Year: <span>2011</span>

Year: 2011

Brick wall

shadows of people casted on brick wall of derelict building
Photo by Artem Korsakov on

Inspired by a perfectly bad man

They had finished their meal, he paid and they walked out of the restaurant. It was a warm summer night, so they decided to walk for a bit.

There were still quite a few people on the streets, enjoying the late evening and the warm weather.
She followed his lead and they talked. She didn´t pay a lot of attention on where they were going.

Suddenly, she felt him grab her hand and she was pulled into a side street. She started giggling, but stopped immediately when she felt his strong big hand on her throat and the cold of the brick wall, she was being pressed against.
With one hand he was holding her in place. With the other he indicated her to be quiet. His right hand held her tighter, she was trying to breathe. Slow, little breaths, forcing herself not to panic.

She looked up to him.
She could see he was smiling and his eyes had that cold look in them. That look which she loved and feared so much at the same time.She knew what it meant. There was no way for her to escape.

He moved in closer. She felt his warm breath on her ear. “Are you scared, girl? You better be.” He loosened his grip and she took a deep breath.
“Well, that was fun. Let´s go now”, she said. At that moment he tighten his grip again and said:”You´re not going anywhere. I´m not done with you yet. In fact I didn´t even start.” He looked into her eyes. “Ah, there´s the scared look I was waiting for.”

Her heart beat faster and faster. She started to panic. She opened her mouth in order to say something, but decided not to, when she saw him shaking his head.

“You keep telling me how much you like being called a ‘Good Girl’. Tonight you will show me how much of a good girl you really are.”
He switched hands. Now his right hand was holding her. His right hand started unbuttoning her shirt. He didn´t hurry, he enjoyed undoing her shirt bit by bit. When he was finally done he grabbed her breasts. Played with the one, the other. Caressed the nipples for a while.

He stopped and looked into her eyes again. There was fear in her eyes, mixed with pleasure and the desire to please.
With a sudden move he placed his hand on her thigh. Pulling her skirt up. He smiled when he felt the light material on her thong. He just needed to pull it once and it was ripped off. He threw it over his shoulder:”You won’t be needing this tonight, girl.”

She was being pushed down. “It’s time you get on your knees and will put to some good use.” She unzipped his pants and freed his hard cock. His hand was on the back of her head, holding her by her hear, guiding her to his waiting cock.
She opened her mouth and gave the tip of his cock a little kiss. Her tongue played with the cock for a bit, licking it. Then she started taking it in. Bit by bit until his cock was completely in her mouth. He moaned, what stimulated her to suck harder and faster.

She could feel his orgasm building up when she was pulled up and pressed against the wall, again.
With his index finger under her chin he tilted her head up and gave her a long passionate kiss.

Both his hands grabbed her bottom and lifted he up a bit. Automatically she wrapped her legs around him and he slowly penetrated her. She smiled as she felt him filling her and moaned in pleasure.
His slow moves became faster and soon she felt him holding her tighter, he moaned louder and his hot cum was mixed with her wetness.”Good girl”, he whispered.

They stayed like that for a moment longer. Then he helped her down and zipped his pants back up. While she looked for a tissue in her purse, he said:”You don’t need that. If you are a truly good girl, you’ll be happy to walk with my cum running down your legs.”
She smiled.

Drop by drop


There’s this emotion that I can’t quiet describe. I hate feeling it. It makes me sad. It makes me feel empty. It makes me cry. It makes me do or say stupid things, things that I usually regret afterwards.
This feeling does not allow me to think clearly.
Over the years I have learned to control a lot of my feelings. But with this one; this one is different.

The (sub)drop

Looking back and knowing that it was “just” drop, makes me see the men I’ve been with in a new way. Not necessary in a better way.
The way they reacted to me feeling it. They all are “experienced” Doms and one would think that they should know about subdrop and what to do with that sub. (I’m not going to talk about the guy who said: “Drop? As in fall down?” And: “Subdrop? What’s that? Do I have to be a woman to understand that?”)

P would usually make me feel as if I was crazy and not able to control myself. Somehow he would also disappear for a while, after him and me played and I left to go back home to Germany. Which was not helpful. I had the need to talk to him. Talk about what happened, how I felt and still feel. But he was nowhere to find.

J on the other hand was always there (in an online kind of way), but was not very smart with the aftercare in general and the drop. As an example: He had given me a big task and I have been working towards it for a long time. One day I finally did it and completed my task. Of course I was on a high that day and he paid a lot of attention to me. But the next day, when that high would fade and I felt a low he told me that he will have a new official submissive. (Guess, what I was… I was “non-official”.) That didn’t help with my drop.

And then came a man, who was and is not dominant with me. We started talking, became friends and finally decided to meet. In order to have some “recreational” time. Meaning to have sex 🙂
Before we met, I told him that I probably will be a mess afterwards and in the need of attention. He said: “It’s ok. It’s drop. That is normal. I will be here for you to talk to.”

Really? Was it that simple? It suddenly made sense to me. It’s just a drop.
It was a relieve for me. I suddenly stopped feeling like a crazy girl. The feeling had a name. Somehow that made it easier for me. The feeling was still there, but it had a name. And I knew I am not alone with it. He was there to support me and help me get through it.

What I started doing now is that I get upset BEFORE I drop, because I know that it’s coming. But I can express myself and I also know that it will be over.

I still find it upsetting. So there I am, having a great time with a person. Connecting with him, maybe even knowing that I will see him again. And instead of being happy about the time we had, I get depressed. And am sad. It really confuses me. I would understand that I would be upset, if we had a horrible time. But being sad about something good and nice? This does not sound logical to me at all.

I most certainly will drop. I am ok with it. It is a normal thing and I deal with it.

Please do not allow anyone tell you that it is wrong or that you should not have feelings like that. Also, let people help you. And if the Dom or play-partner doesn’t see the need to help you and be there for you then it is time for you to leave.