Something I’ve learned

Something I’ve learned

First I want to point out that there are no hard feelings towards any of the men I am refering to in the following post.

I cannot be really open about my D/s wants and needs in my real life. I’m trying and making a bit of progress, but I can not talk openly about with my friends or family.
I love my friends. They are wonderful people, but most of them, I’m sure, wouldn’t understand.
For a long time I didn’t even know what I wanted. What was missing from in my life. But I’ve discovered, step by step.
And then I finally all of you wonderful people on Twitter. I felt like I could talk about anything and everything.

My ex (the DaddyDom) was the one who showed me Twitter. He only used it for his vanilla account and so I wasn’t really allowed to talk to him in the open timeline. Especially short before my last trip there. He’d make delete @replies because people might see and figure out that he was my Daddy.
I begged him to make a non-vanilla account and he did. But there he was being all weird and not real.

I had no idea that it’s been upsetting me that much until I was also so frustrated with my last Sir that I broke things off. Yes, he would talk to me, but also here I was not allowed to be open.

Both of those men had good (or better) reasons.

It took me a while to understand that I cannot do that. I cannot “hide” in the one place where I can actually be myself.

I don’t need my relationship (or whatever you might call it) to be all over my timeline. But it’s clear to me now that I also cannot be just a random follower, who never gets talked to, or a “just” friendly one.

2 Comments

  1. Sounds like you’re figuring things out for yourself. Keep it up. While being completely open about what makes you who you are is difficult, it is less difficult than maintaining a myriad of facades and identities.

    Keep it up.

  2. KindOfMike

    It appears that twitter (and this blog) has provided an outlet for you to express and discover who you are, whereas other aspects of your life may restrict you from finding this same enlightment. The anonymity that can be provided in tweetland can be very powerful and beneficial. As you said, you’re making progress in real life with being able to open yourself up so don’t introduce any limitations here. You don’t need that. Be yourself and don’t hide anything.

    Great post. Thanks for sharing. It really got me thinking…

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