Being a bad submissive

Being a bad submissive

The other day @winsome_gypsy asked who was up for some nipple torture. And as we were talking about how I don´t like nipple play, I had a thought which I didn´t have for a long time.
Throughout the conversation a voice in my head was saying:”You are a bad sub for not for not liking it.”

I am glad that I learned enough about myself to know that it´s not true.
I know that liking or disliking something does not define whether I am a sub or not. If there is something that is not liked then it should be respected.

There is a reason why there are limits.

Some are soft limits. Things I am curious bout, but am too afraid or too inexperienced or too shy to try. But I would do or at least try them, if I have someone to hold my hand during it or “make” me do it.

And the there are hard limits. Things that I would never do, have done to me or which, in my head, are simply wrong.

Recently I had to add something to my limits and I was surprised about the reaction I got.  Instead of the new limit being accepted or at least asked for a reason. Instead the person thought that I brat. (Which, we already know, I don´t do )

I´m not a a bad sub for disliking things and setting limit. I am a good sub BECAUSE of it. I am a good sub for knowing what I want and what I don´t want. And for not being afraid to say it.


  1. “I’m not a a bad sub for disliking things and setting limit. I am a good sub BECAUSE of it. I am a good sub for knowing what I want and what I don´t want. And for not being afraid to say it.”


    ‘Atta girl. You’re a submissive, not a doormat.

  2. I agree with you on the good sub bad sub bit. I think the limits HAVE to be there. It’s upto the Dom/me to know which are hard limits and which are soft. It’s all about trust. My wife trusts me implicitly which enables me to do more or less what i want without her being worried that i’ll trash her limits. I will always try and push her limits but not so far that the trust is gone. More of a case of going right upto that point and then just nudging the limit and coming away from it again.We’re both 1st timers as it were so we’re constantly learning which is part of the fun i think. We’re more soft than a lot of D/s relationships but you have to do what you feel comfortable with.

  3. a

    Well hello Lillith,
    I thought this would be a good time to say hello and share a few comments on your writing, well this entry at least.

    I realize everyone has his/her own view point when it comes to limits; for me limits are merely a persons common sense. They are individual and independent and quite frankly I find it insulting when someone considers another persons limits as ridiculous or unjust. What you like or dislike, what you desire to experience or never wish to try is _your_ business and no one else’s. You have the right to voice your opinion and when it comes to your mind and body you have the right to enforce such desires.

    I think the world would be rather dull if we all wanted the same thing – I am not into robots. After years of being with Master there are still things I do not like or enjoy but Master does and neither of us minds that we have differences. In fact, we respect each others preferences and I am thankful for that. Granted there have been a few times (maybe twice) when Master did something I did not like but that is part of our exchange as well and I have agreed to participate in activities even if I do not like them because I have given myself to Master to control. With that said, I do not feel less of a submissive just because I do not like somethings such as rope.

    I do not find rope arousing at all. Perhaps it is the lazy part of me coming out but rope work is just that – work. All that time spent making knots and wrapping when tape or handcuffs or leather shackles could restrain someone in far less time. At first and for at least a year I felt awful that I was not aroused by rope because it does appear to be the top of every one’s list. With time though I have come to appreciate what I do like and not to compare myself with others – we all have our own unique lusts and passions and this is not a competition.

    I would hope you are proud of yourself for standing up for yourself!


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