Damaged goods

That’s how I feel. Like I’ve been had and now I am not interesting anymore.

Ever since I broke things off with my online sir in the summer, I keep having this feeling.
Although it was a secret who he was, a lot of people knew. Not because they were told, but because they are smart enough to put one and one together.

For everyone who doesn’t know who he was, let’s just say, he’s a pretty popular guy.

So, since after I broke up with him, I often sense that people think “She broke off with HIM, something is clearly wrong with her”.

When my exDaddy and I split there were several men flirting with me, telling me that they are interested in me. And of course I enjoyed the attention.

But after things stopped with “popular-guy”, not a lot of action happening. I even noticed that people stop talking to me, who I felt very close to. People, who would chat with me outside of Twitter.

And I admit, it makes me sad. Losing friends, even online friends, sucks. Losing people I was close to and felt like I could share things with sucks.

That’s what I was writing last night. Thinking about it and putting into words made me shed some tears. I decided not to post it, because certain people reached out to me and I started feeling better. (Which I am extremely thankful for!)
I was reminded that I made wonderful new friends. People I respect, care for and love.

So I changed my mind back.

I know that the feeling won’t just go away. And maybe I need to cut ties with the people that make me sad, unfollow them.
But I also know that writing and talking and time will make it better. And one day I will simply not care enough anymore.

 

Added August 31st 2013:

I did stop carrying. It still hurts, but I don´t care.
What saddens me is that I lost people I cared about because of it. But on the other hand I met wonderful new people.

I was surprised how many people told me afterwards that I should´ve known better or things like that. Why did no one tell me that before? Why didn´t anyone warn me?

I have decided to see it as an experience I needed to make to understand myself and others better.
Been there, done that, moved on.