That is probably my first lie this year…
I do want one. And most of the time I am very good at not thinking about it, but then there are moments when I remember that deep down I am submissive and I feel the longing and desire growing again.
There’s H, whom I really like. We do have kinky sex, sometimes. But he’s not a Dom. Maybe not yet, maybe one day. But not today.
There’s a guy I’d like to have as my Dom, but he’s not interested in D/s anymore.
Then there are a bunch of other guys, who keep on telling me how much they like me. That they want me. That they need to get to know me better. But somehow they don’t make any afford. They don’t talk to me. No DM, no email, no chat.
Hard to get to know someone when you’re not trying.
And I’m won’t be the girl again, who sits by her laptop and waits for a guy to pop up for a bit, who will always be the first to write.
Yes, I will make room in my schedule. But only for someone, who is making room for me as well.
I miss having tasks. I miss obeying. I miss living out my submissiveness.
I miss having that special connection with a person.
But I am not desperate enough to just be with ANYone or settle for something less than I want or can be comfortable with.
A year ago I was different. I didn’t understand and know as much as I know today. It was easier.
I know, I will be happier with the knowledge and experience I have now.
But sometimes I wish I could go back to be that silly, little, last year me.