In my previous post I said that I am done fighting. And I still mean it. But as I have been thinking more and more about it, I remembered that sometimes fighting for something it the only right thing to do.
Just like I fought for my friend, in my last post, and our friendship, I also fought for a man, I call “H”.
I put a lot of energy in him. First as a friend, then as a lover. And when, after a long time, I finally had him, I let him slip away. But that time it was my own fault.
And because I allowed myself to let him slip away, I also allowed other people, men, influence me on my opinion on him.
But gladly for me, I realised what I have in him.
The final and hardest battle I had to fight, and from time to time I still fight, was the one with myself. I had to come back to where I left off. I had to open my heart again and let him in.
We still are in the process of finding back together. But I know it’s right.
H, as for today, cannot give me everything I want or need. But after tasting what I crave and seeing the side effects, I can for sure say that I rather be with him and without the things I crave than with my desires, but without him.