young annoyed female freelancer using laptop at home
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Please note: I am not bitter. I am simply annoyed

I read something today that made me think about D/s.

I like to compare my journey through D/s with my journey through love and sex and men.
When I first started to be interested in all the things above I only dreamt about it. Then I started dating. I was a teenager. I had sex for the first time and then again and again…
This were easy in the beginning.

“Does he like me?”
“Will he ask me out?”
And so on.

But at some point it all got so very complicated. The point was when we all grew up and started to make things more complicated.

How is that comparable to D/s?

When I first got in touch with it, I was curious. I dreamt about it. I chatted. I read.
Then I started dating. Things were easy. I had no idea that there’s a whole D/s world out there. I had. I idea what was out there.
But then I started talking to more “kinksters” and people involved in D/s.
And at some point it became so very complicated.

There are Masters and slaves and Sirs and subs and Doms and Mistresses and Dommes and so on. And all have there rules. And each community is different.
If you think this way, you won’t be able to get along with these people. And if you think another way, you won’t get along with others.
Everyone tells you what is wrong and what is right. And how one should behave.

Why is it suddenly all so complicated? Why did people make it so complicated?

As if life wasn’t complicated enough!

There’s work, which has to be done. Household to take care of. Kids to raise. Bills to pay. Friends to see. Sleep. Food….

I understand that there are people who have the time and energy to think about all those very very very (being sarcastic here) important aspects in “the lifestyle”.

But I really don’t have the time or energy or patience to think about whether I am approaching someone correctly, kneeling in the right position, shaved each little hair off or said something that is not “right” in the eyes of some loser.

Sometimes I want to go back to being the girl who had no idea how complicated of will all get. I like the person I’ve become through all my experience. But I hate that D/s became so uptight and non-fun.


  1. Oh, what a marvellous pleading for free, open, taboo-less D/s relations! !
    Against a tortuous, abstract, tyrannical, blunt vision of these activities! !

    The worst are the Dumb, self-proclaimed Masters, Doms, Mistresses, Dommes, sub-masters, and sub-mistresses: they are generally SOT, uneducated, have built, for and around themselves a very complex system of Laws, Rules, Protocols, regulations, proscriptions, exclusions, forced behaviours, based on some Mythical, quasi religious construction, and the obsessional memory of the American slavery era, full of nostalgia and melancholy, and also fuzzy, madly Dreams around some SF Sagas.

    Yes, it’s a real, serious problem, for all the peoples seeking to escape the too strict, abstract, simplistic and archaic laws of the religious wedding,
    whatever is the monotheist religion followed: for an open, free, taboo-less,
    set of relationships, well adapted to the very large diversity of the peoples of the World, their orientations, characters, moods, tastes, dreams and even phantasms! !

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