yellow dead end sign during day time
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My friends have always been amazed how I was able to connect things, which didn’t seem to be connected, and figure out things, which weren’t clear.
Only a couple of days ago I talked to a friend and again read between the lines. The usual response is:”How did you know that?”
I don’t have an answer. I listen, observe and it’s clear to me.
It always has been.

But when it comes to me it’s all a different story.

Somehow I am not able to see things, even when they are out in the open, when it concerns me.
I’ve made my peace with it.

There is another talent I have, which even works for me.

My intuition. It can be the very first moment I meet someone. Or it can be a bit later. But at some point, in the beginning of a relationship or even just a short flirt, I get this feeling.
It’s not there with every man, but it has been there with quite a few.

And when I look back now, I see that every time I had that feeling it has always ended in a not so nice way.

Here two examples:

When I started talking to J, about a year ago, about him and me and D/s, something inside me said “no”. And that’s what I said, at first.

Also with M. After I told him that probably nothing would ever happen, but then still agreed on meeting with him, decided not to let anything happen and saw his reaction, there it was again.

I should mention that I very good at ignoring this feeling. That’s what I did with J and M and I have suffered because of that. And probably still am.

So, from now on, I have decided to stop ignoring my intuition.

There was that guy on FL. We started talking and chatting. We talked about things we like and he mentioned choking during sex. (I am a big fan of that.) He kept on telling me that at some point choking with his hands wasn’t “enough” and he started using the belt and later even plastic bags.
That’s when the sound of my alarm started in my head.
I told him that I only participate in that kind of play with people I completely trust. He said he understood, but continued talking about it.

I signed off and ignored his messages for a couple of days, before blocking him.

He was an eye-opener.
There was that feeling again. And while in this case it, hopefully, is clear to everyone, there are cases where I can’t really put my finger on it and say:”That’s what’s wrong with you”! But from now on I will listen to it and act according to it.


  1. Jeff

    Track your dreams by writing them down on a note pad you keep by the bed. Middle of the night, in the morning, whenever you first awake. You’ll notice day residue. things that you lived in the last couple of days, but a theme over weeks or months can emerge, that you notice and can

    1. Thank you for your comment.
      I had to read it a couple of times. And I am still wondering. Is it me, who didn’t understand your comment, or is it you, who didn’t understand my post.
      I simply don’t see how what you said is connected to what I wrote.

  2. Pingback: Warning signs – in the world and within you | Lillith's Blog

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