I am scared.
I have opened up for D/s again. I have set up profiles on dating sites and have chatted with a lot of men.
With one I even got very close.
And now I’m scared.
I’m scared to fall in love.
Scared to be hurt.
Scared to be used.
Scared that he won’t feel the same way I do.
Scared that I’m just a pastime.
Scared that someone else can give him all he wants, while I can only give him a little bit.
Scared that his words might just be words.
You get the picture. I am scared.
I don’t want to go through the heartache again. I don’t want to sit around not knowing what will happen.
My heart wants trust and let go, wants to feel that exciting feeling. But my head keeps saying:”Be careful. They all hurt you.”
Love fucking hurts!
It’s normal to have doubts.
Too often have I entered a relationship ignoring them and have found myself wounded.
In my head I keep saying that I can’t do that again. That’s not true. Of course I can. I don’t want to, but I can. I simply know that picking myself up and waiting for the wounded feelings to heal takes a lot of time and effort.
It took me a long time to open up and want a relationship of this nature again. I’m not sure how long it will take me the next time.
I want to see his eyes and feel wether I am able to lose myself in him. Yet, I am scared.