Last night I had a date.
I was nervous all day. Not so much because of the date, but because I was afraid that it won’t happen. Why? Because I assume the worst and expect nothing.
It’s easier that way. I get hurt less. It’s a way for me to save myself.
We didn’t talk all day. He was busy at work and I was trying to be patient.
But then there it was. The message that he’s on his way to the train station.
That was the moment I stopped being nervous about whether it will happen and started be nervous because it was happening.
I got ready, headed to the station and waited for his train to arrive. My hands were shaking.
Finally we met. We hugged and went to sit down for a coffee.
The beginning was a bit weird. It always is. You talk to someone online for weeks and then you have him sitting in front of you and don’t know what to say.
He started ask me question and made me feel comfortable around him.
Thinking back now, there was nothing I didn’t feel I could talk to him about. Maybe it’s because we haven been chatting for a month before. Maybe it’s simply because there’s a connection between us.
We talked about life. D/s. Feelings. Expectation.
At some point I caught myself looking at his lips, wanting to kiss them. And staring at his hands, wanting to feel them on me.
We laughed. We smiled a lot.
And the few moments we didn’t talk, where we just looked at each other, felt perfectly fine. The silence wasn’t awkward.
We made our way back to the train station. His train arrived, we hugged again. I wanted him to kiss me, make me his. But he didn’t.
Because on the one hand he was just as nervous as me. And on the other hand, because at some point in our chats we said that I will ask him to be my Dom/Master/Owner and that I will do it in person, not online.
So, as we were parting, I told him I had a great time and would like to see him again. He said:”Maybe.” My first thought: Seriously? My second: What? I said:”Maybe? Alright, if it’s just maybe.”
And that’s when he whispered into my ear that “I wasn’t asked.” I knew exactly what he meant. I moved in closer to him, looked at him and very quietly asked him to be my Dom. And he said yes, gave me a little kiss and got on the train.
We chatted a bit later in the evening. He told me that he was nervous that I wouldn’t want him as my Dom.
That’s what I like about him. He’s not 100% sure of himself. He is so different of the dominant men I had before in my life.
He is afraid that’s what will not be enough for me. I think that it’s jut the right thing for me.
When will I see him again? I’m not sure. It’s about an hour train ride, but we both have “real” lives.
Of course I want to see him again. Even if it’s just for one hour. But we don’t need to rush anything. Slowly, step by step. Because we have all the time in the world.