Gorgeous men make me insecure

Gorgeous men make me insecure

I am insecure. I know most people are at some point in their life.
I’ve always been insecure. I ask myself whether something that is happening to me, is really happening to me. I wonder why good things happen to me.
I often assume that there’s some kind of bad plot behind something good.
I don’t know why I keep thinking that good things can’t happen to me. And if they do, I assume they’re not good and something must be wrong.

It’s hard for me to accept something without questioning it and looking for a problem.
This is true for a lot of things in my life.

When coming to men it is even weirder. Deep inside me I believe that a good looking man cannot be interested in me. Why? I wish I knew.

I don’t care much about looks. A person can be beautiful from the inside. But somehow good looking man have always been different. I thought, and think, of them as “out of my league”.

I don’t think of myself as bad looking. I guess I’m average. I’m not unhappy with myself. There are parts of me I like more than others, but all in all, I’m pleased with my looks and the way I feel about me.

On the rare occasion when I find myself talking to a man, of whom I think that he’s gorgeous, I doubt that he’ll like me and want to be with me.
I keep on wondering why he is still talking to me and flirting with me. And maybe even kissing me. (That’s when I assume he wants just sex.)

I know that I shouldn’t think that way. I really really shouldn’t but I can’t help it.

So, there’s this beautiful guy. He tells me he wants me and can’t stop thinking about me. And instead of being happy, I get even more insecure and wonder, what will happen and wait for him to change his mind.

This is the first time ever that I openly talked about it. As I said, I don’t know what the reason is. Maybe one day I can accept that someone who is beautiful on the inside AND the outside likes me.

4 Comments

  1. james

    Wow – what a fascinating post lilly! Like you for 15 years I felt that all my success as a doctor and my wife and family were somehow false, and almost a conspiracy. Something that could be taken from me with every phone call or knock on the door. Medication finally again made me see that I was very successful and a great person some four years ago. Everything before that has now been removed in a painful process, and I am very happy with my baby girl and moving ahead with the positive attitude that she makes me feel like a king. You will move on that way too one day I hope….. you seem so special little lilly! 🙂

  2. Gorgeous men don’t make me insecure, but they do make me walk the other way. It has been my experience that the more gorgeous the man, the more into himself he is and that just doesn’t work for me. Gorgeous men are also good at being assholes. I dated a model once, never again.

  3. Pingback: You´re beautiful | Lillith's Blog

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

%d bloggers like this: