A couple of nights ago I was chatting with the Captain and said something that was a bit sassy. He pointed out that what I said and my tone weren´t right for a slave. To which I replied that I have never been a slave, but a sub(missive). So I was told to write about what the difference between those two is and also on the topic:”Why do I want to be a slave to my Sir?” First thing I did was to ask around on Twitter and I also googled “sub vs. slave”, which led me to several blog post of a lot of people. Masters and Doms as well as submissives and slaves. To be honest, I wasn´t to happy with what I found. A lot of the time people pointed out that only one of those things is right and the other one isn´t. As a definition I have found that a submissive is someone who is only submissive during play time, but not outside of it. A submissive has limits, which are respected and a safeword. And through that she/he is in control of the scene. She has her own opinion and those can be different from what her Sir thinks. She isn´t his property. A slave is portrayed as someone who gives away all control. She/he does whatever she/he is told. A slave gives up the right to choose and does not have a safeword or limits (which I find troubling). The most important for a slave is the well-being of her owner. A slave becomes a property, is collared or something similar. Of course that all being consensual.
And even now that I write it, it seems as if I am judging. Which I try not to.
As I wrote earlier this year, I never saw myself as a slave. I also don´t think I have ever been seen as one. Until one day a guy (the Gentleman) called me that. At that moment I realised that it was ok. But I never got to find out what it really meant.
Besides the definition of what a sub and a slave is, the Captain also asked me to write on the topic:”Why do I want to be a slave for my Master?”
That was the point I realised that the definition I read everywhere and had in my head were just words. There aren´t any rules and regulation which say that if a person does A, B and C she´s a sub and if she does X, Y and Z she´s a slave. By the definitions given by me above I am neither a slave nor a sub. I am somewhere in between. And I am happy with that.
I don´t only play when I see him. He is with me all the time. By his rules, his punishments, my thoughts. My Master/Dom/Sir is a part of my “real life”. I do as I´m told. No matter if he´s around or not. I believe that whichever task I am given it has a reason. Even if it´s just so he´s pleased.
I serve him.
Yet, I question things, I ask for reasons. I stand up for myself when I think that he´s wrong.
And I do have limits and a safeword. And the right to say “no” and walk away.
I never liked labels. So I find it hard to label myself. In the end, it´s just a name. A sub, a slave, a bottom. A Sir, a Dom, a Master. They are names. But what really counts are the actions.
If he wants to call me his slave, I don´t mind. As long as I’m HIS.
I was forbidden to call myself a slave for whatever time he sees fit. Why? Because I didn´t act the way I was supposed to. So, right now I´m not a slave. But my actions, my respect, my feelings don´t change. They stay the same.