The same moment I read what this week´s Kink of the Week was, I was also chatting with the Captain. We were talking about punishments. What a perfect fit!

In the description which Jade gave for the kink a difference is being made between a “play” punishment and a “real” punishment. I never looked at it from two different ways. But now that I do I start to understand the way some of my relationships worked.

For me a punishment is not playful. And that is where I had trouble in the past. A punishment is supposed to make me understand what I did wrong, teach me to not do it again.

I have to admit, in the past I have pushed my boundaries and did something I wasn´t allowed to do or didn´t do something I was supposed to. Why? To see how he would react. And often enough there was little to none reaction. If a rule is set, then there should be consequences.

I also have experienced the opposite. When the punishment was much more extreme and way bigger than the mistake I made.

So when I was talking to the Captain, we were talking about a punishment he gave me that day. It´s been on the punishment list for a couple of weeks. It were two slaps in the face. He was wondering how it could be that it were “only” two slaps and not more. I asked him whether he´d like to slap me more (and got excited by that idea). To which he replied that he´d love to, but that it was a punishment and set in that way and it shouldn´t be changed later on. Once he sets a punishment, he lets me know and I will wait for it. He isn´t going to change it, make it more or less. He´s sonsequent that way.

I wouldn´t go that far to call a punishment one of my kinks. It´s nothing that gets me excited. I always looked at it as something to make me better, teach me something, show me the error of my ways. For me a punishment has nothing to do with sex. Of course some are more sexual than others. Being spanked for example is one of them. Especially as I know how much he likes my ass.
But it can also be something that isn´t related to sex in any way. It doesn´t have to hurt, physically. Can be not seen by others, yet make me aware of it all day long. Just like I had to write Sir´s name on the soles of my feet and “walk all over him”, just like I did to his rules.

A punishment is not a kink for me. And it shouldn´t be. If it got me excited then it wouldn´t be a punishment.
But on the other hand, I wouldn´t want to have a BDSM relationship without it.

If rules are broken, there should be consequences. If there aren´t, I feel that the man I am with isn´t taking it as serious as I´d like to.
If the consequences are too harsh, I also wonder and I don´t feel right.
There should be a balance, as well as a balance between punishment and reward.
Because sometimes a “good girl” goes a long way and has a better result than a punishment.

I need the punishment, although I don´t want to be punished…

See who else gets punished:

KOTW

3 Comments

  1. I think this is a perfect description of the dichotomy of how I feel about punishment: “I need the punishment, although I don’t want to be punished…”

    We don’t have a punishment dynamic, but sometimes I feel that that kind of structure would be good for me.

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