So, the Captain and me.
Where do I start? Maybe at the end.
I was set free yesterday. For weeks now he has been honking about setting me free. I have been trying to convince him not to. I have been struggling to accept that he might do it. And I have been fighting to understand what happened.
As I probably mentioned before, he isn’t local. That was he reason why I didn’t want to meet him in the first place. I have enough experience with long distance D/s. and I was never happy with it. On the other hand, two of the men I met last year were much closer to my city and still couldn’t make it work. I guess a big part, as in every kind of relationship, is dedication.
In the end we met, we had a great time and after a LOT of thinking we decided to give it a try. From that day on we managed to see eH other about every one and a half weeks. And more importantly, we communicated. Every single day! We either spoke on the phone or chatted. Not one day went by were we didn’t hear from each other.
Side note: This is what I always wanted but have been told that it’s not doable. I guess it is, if you really want to.
We have always been very open about pretty much everything. A couple of weeks ago I felt that something wasn’t right. If I’m close to someone, I feel these things. It’s a gift I guess.
We knew from the beginning that our situation was no ideal and that we won’t be together forever. But you try not to think too much about stuff like that.
Something changed. The communication was still there, but it was different and then he finally said what was on his mind. I was quite shocked to learn that he was thinking about setting me free.
The following weeks were very hard for me. And I pretty sure they were hard for him too. I gave him all the time he needed. No pushing, no nagging.
One of the hardest things was not to blame myself. It wasn’t something I did/said/want.
While he was thinking I was in a state were it felt like I’m not moving. Not moving forward not going back. Simply standing still.
Last week we talked and when he told me everything that was on his mind and happening in his life, I finally was able to understand. And even think about moving on.
Two days ago I asked him whether I still am his property. I didn’t feel like it, but I also didn’t feel free.
I know it was a hard decision for him. It took him a day to finally answer me. It wasn’t the answer I hoped for, but I was the one I knew was coming.
Funny thing is, the moment he said it, it seemed like a weight was lifted. Not only from me but also from him. We began talking normally again.
There’s a saying “Don’t cry because it over. Smile because it happened”! That I believe to be total bullshit! I’m not crying, but it makes me said. Something very good is not a part of my life anymore.
But after seeing that we still can talk like normal people, we are still in each others lives, that makes me happy.
I said it before. From every experience in my life I learn. No matter whether it’s something good or bad. All those things make me into who I am today.
The same is true for my time with the Captain.
But here I’m not only learning a lesson after it’s over, I learned so much during that time.
I am more confident.
I am more aware of my body and happy with it.
I know that the things I always looked for in a D/s relationship are not some weird ideas, but are doable. And if not, then it’s not the right Dom for me.
And most importantly, I learned to walk in heels 🙂