The other night I was lying in bed and my head filled up with thoughts and wishes and desires. Those who follow me on Twitter might have witnessed a bit of a break down.
What happened was the following:
The Captain and I started talking again. On a regular basis. And on a pretty intimate level. Not as Dom and sub, but as two people who are very close and care for each other. As wonderful as it was, it also brought memories back and pain, I guess.
That said. I also started chatting with men online. Mostly to feel good about myself. And besides a LOT of creepy idiots, there are some interesting and even intelligent men out there.
With one of them I started emailing and simply talking. So when he asked me how I was, I told him that I had a lot of thoughts in my head. He asked whether those were good or bad thoughts. To which I replied that it weren´t happy thoughts and explained what was going on inside my head. Or at least I tried to.
What he wrote as an answer was so simple, yet brilliant. He wrote:
“Why do you want to get over the break up that quickly? I assume that it was a great time. In that case the pain of the break up can´t and won´t disappear that fast.”
I want to ge over it, to finally be over it. Bu what he wrote makes perfectly sense. It will take time and I have to allow myself to have that time. It doesn´t mean that I have to be sad and grumpy all the time. But I have to accept that the memories and the pain will come back again and again. I can only hope that each time it´ll be better.