I’ve written about tears before.
But it wasn’t so much about the serial aspect of them.

As in my previous post about crying, I still am a person who cries easily.
It really depends on the mood, time of month, etc. But when I find something very touching, beautiful, sad, upsetting, I have tears in my eyes. I do prefer to cry for myself. As much as I want and maybe need to be held, I find it hard to allow someone to see my tears.

In a scene or with my Dom it’s different. In a way.
Looking back, I tried not to allow tears in a scene. And for the first few years in my submissive life I didn’t cry during play.
Once I asked a previous Dom to spank me as long as it took me to start crying. It was more of an experiment than anything else really. Afterwards he talked about that he read how subs use D/s and also tears as a relief. I never saw it that way, never felt a relief from that.

But things change. Life changes and in my case, I guess, hormones change.
It became easier for me to cry, to allow the tears.
But I cried because it was painful and I haven’t played in a while.
I’ve been with Doms, who made a point of saying how much they enjoyed tears. But in most cases it wasn’t about the tears. Control, knowing that “the job was well done”, seeing the pain. Yes, but tears were a side effect only.

About a year ago I made different experiences.
I remember one punishment, which was very painful and I only allowed myself to cry after he was done. The tears were a relief. Not only that the punishment was over, but that I had taken it bravely and I knew that the offense which caused the punishment was forgotten.
I was lying there, in my bed, my head down, crying and sobbing and all he said was to look at him. He wanted to see the tears and it seemed to me that he took a great pleasure in it.
Sadly we never really talked about it.

Pretty much a year had gone by and I was playing with the neighbour.
There were spanks and other beatings involved. It hurt, mostly because I haven’t played in a while. But it was alright.
Until he started slapping my nipples with a ruler. Boy, did that hurt. (I should mention that my nipples are very sensitive. Very!) And there was nothing I could do. Within seconds tears were running down my face.
He was holding my arms and me in place, so I wasn’t able to turn away. I think he was as surprised as I was.

I don’t remember whether we sat down or he then stood in front of me. In any case I lowered my head. Not only because I often feel that way as a sub, but because I didn’t want him to see the tears.
He told me to look at him.
Not a hard thing really. All I needed to do was to look up. But it felt so hard.
Why?
It is a very intimate thing. I allow someone to see my vulnerability, my weakness and maybe even into my soul.

I used to see tears as something bad. Especially in my vanilla life.
But I now also know that it can be something good.

Talking about the D/s aspect of tears:
For me they are a relief. They are my body’s reaction, just as many other things.
But through the tears I feel the weight flowing away.
And they also help me connect with my Dom. Allowing him to see me cry allows me to open up to him, show him what is happening inside me, my head, my heart my soul.

A wonderful side effect is that afterwards I am being held and told that all is good.

Tears don’t have a sexual aspect for me, but they do belong with me and into my world as a submissive.

See who else enjoys tears:

KOTW

7 Comments

  1. I find it very difficult to cry in front of someone else, years of being told its a weakness has a long term effect. It’s taken a long time but I can cry in front of Sir but not yet when we play. He does try and make me look him in his eyes but it’s just too much for me still, one day I can let him see deep into my insecurities but not just yet.

  2. Pingback: Trust and Intimacy | Lillith's Blog

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