It´s been a while since I post anything on the blog, even longer for #WickedWednesday.
But tonight I decided to see what the meme was and right when I read it I realised I knew what to write.
It actually is an old post. Almost a year old. This Saturday it´ll be a year that the meeting took place.
In the past week, especially, but also in the weeks and maybe even months before, I have been thinking a lot about where I am a year later.
Before posting it here, I decided to read it. Here´s the link.
But here is also the text:
And then there was a third guy. I met him in the park, while sitting on a park bench. All very classic. He was sitting on the bench next to me, we look at each other, smiled and at some point he started talking to me. Sadly, shortly after that I had to leave. Of course we didn’t exchange number, not even names.
I always hoped to run into him again, but I never did. I did see him a few times after that. Enough to know that he lives close by. But we never got a chance to talk. After some time I gave up my hopes and concentrated on what I had.
After I ended the relationship with my Dom, I also told the men that I wasn’t looking to hook up with them. They all understood. One even told me that he was interested in becoming my new Dom. But I didn’t want to rush into anything and decided to take things really slow.
Nonetheless I wanted to see what was out there. I logged onto my profile on the site where I met the last guy and also the Captain. Soon I was chatting away with men. Telling most of them that I wasn’t interested, because of many different levels. But it felt good to be wanted.
A friend scheduled a date for me with a guy she met online. That was rather a disaster.
A week had passed since I wasn’t owned anymore. And naturally I felt that starting something new was way too early. But I was enjoying myself, making up for orgasms which I wasn’t allowed to have.
As mentioned, a week had passed. It was Friday afternoon and I had an event to get to. Of course I was running late and still had things to do and errands to run. I got ready and left the house. Writing back and forth with my friend about what else we needed for the evening, I walked down the street, to where my car was parked. Every now and then I looked to not run into someone.
So when I looked up again, I saw a guy walking towards me and it only took me a second to realise that it was the guy from the park.
I smiled, he smiled and we both said hello as we walked past each other. I heard him say something else too, so I asked. He wondered from we knew each other. I reminded him and even got myself to say it was a pity that I don’t get to see him anymore.
Now that would’ve been the perfect time to finally exchange numbers and such. But what did we do? We both continued to walk in different directions.
Yep, I’m that stupid.
As I was walking away I had to turn around to look at him and see whether he was looking at me too. And guess what he was. We did that a couple of times, when he suddenly stopped. So did I. There we were, standing in the street. I’m not sure what was going on in his head.
A few seconds, which felt like hours, he pulled out his phone and signaled me to exchanged numbers.
Can you imagine what was going on in my head?!
Should I? Should I not? What do I need his number for? Just to name a few questions.
I nodded and we walked toward each other again. He gave me his number and his name. We talked a bit more and we both went our way.
I messaged him pretty soon. Revealing my name and the fact that were neighbours. Since then we’ve been chatting back and forth.
Then came the question I was waiting for. He wanted to know what I was looking for. As I told him about BDSM and D/s and Lilly and my blog and so on, I was waiting for him to say that he wasn’t interested, it wasn’t his thing or something of that kind.
Boy, did he surprise me. Not only was he interested, he also had some experience. Our chatting became much more intense and made a turn into something I didn’t expect.
We are still getting to know each other. Learning about the other person. All kinky and also all vanilla aspects.
On the other hand it feels like we’ve known each other for quite a while.
He is becoming my Sir, I am becoming his slave. And it feels good.
There are moments where I wonder, whether I rushed into it. Let’s face it, it was only a week since the break up.
A few weeks ago I said to a friend that I need someone like the Captain. I didn’t mean that I wanted someone who is like him. I wanted someone who makes me feel the way I felt when I was with him.
And this the way I feel with the new guy.
And that is also what scares me so much. Because I know that he has the potential to hurt me really bad. It took me so long to stop hurting. And some wounds still aren’t healed.
But I guess that is the risk I have to take.
So, I’m trying to live in the present. The past is gone and no one knows what the future will bring. I can’t change either. I as well can simply enjoy what I have.
Was it too early, too fast? I don’t think so. I think the timing was perfect.
One door closed, another door opened and I am excited to find out what is inside.
I don´t know. So many things are not about me. Suddenly there are so many more important things than me or him or some man at all.
Funny enough, the moment I typed in the question whether it was the right choice, I knew deep in myself that it was. And knowing that and admitting to it scares me. Not sure why.