Need

What I like about writing posts is that I have a general idea, but I never now, where it’ll lead me to at the end.

In light of me being back in the D/s world and starting looking for a Dom, and on light of the last couple of weeks, a post started forming in my head.

First came the desire to start “playing” again. It’s more than playing, but that’s a topic for another post.

Then came Twitter, to connect with my friends. And at the same time, came one of the kinky dating websites. With the site, came the messages. And so came the dates.

I have written before that I grew older and wiser – or so I thought. I had a couple of dates. Less than I would’ve before, because I did get better at saying “no, thank you” and avoiding discussions. Yet, I still needed to mistakes to remind me, what isn’t good for me.

So yesterday I kind of took a day for myself reflecting and I’ve realised that I need to understand, what it is that I’m looking for in a Dom.

I’ve written about that topic before, but so many things changed since then. 2011, I believe it was…

I need him to get into my head. My submission doesn’t start with me kneeling, but in my head.

That is the reason I’ve always enjoyed tasks. Daily and not daily ones. Daily tasks keep my head occupied. Even if it’s just something like sending a good morning text and informing him what I wear. Or anything of that kind. Daily tasks make me thinking of him and my submission to him and his involvement in my every day’s structure.

I want to be used, beaten, fucked, spanked, spit on, called names and so my other things. But afterwards I need to be taken into his arms and hear that I am a “good girl” and that I made him proud – or how I can improve.

Aftercare is a huge point for me. I might not know the German terms for “aftercare” and “subdrop”, but I can explain the concept. But if he isn’t familiar with the idea, I’m afraid that one day the moment will come where I will drop and he’ll say something like “Cone on, get over yourself”. But I did wrote about it before.

It’s really these couple of things. Everything else falls into place. Every connection is different.

Oh, and I need him to not be stupid. You know, read once in a while. Be aware of the existence of punctuation, capitalisation – grammar in general.