The F-Word

‘What an amazing prompt’ I thought and right away I was blown away by the possibilities of songs I could use. Recently I found a great playlist and I have been listening to it every moment I had the possibility. After I was assured by @RebelsNotes that this prompt will come again, I made a decision.

One of the songs I really enjoy is “Flawless” by Beyoncé. Especially one part speaks to me:

We teach girls to shrink themselves
To make themselves smaller
We say to girls
“You can have ambition
But not too much
You should aim to be successful
But not too successful
Otherwise you will threaten the man”
Because I am female
I am expected to aspire to marriage
I am expected to make my life choices
Always keeping in mind that
Marriage is the most important
Now marriage can be a source of
Joy and love and mutual support
But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage
And we don´t teach boys the same?
We raise girls to see each other as competitors
Not for jobs or for accomplishments
Which I think cab be a good thing
But for the attention of men
We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings
In the way that boys are
Feminist: the person who believes in the social
Political, and economic equality of sexes
This part spoke to me as well as Lilly as my vanilla self. Somehow lately the idea of feminism was very present in my life and the life of many of my friends and people surrounding me.
I´ve been speaking out about it and educating and having a lot of discussions. I was raised by a very strong mother. She was and still continues to be an amazing role model. Growing up I never thought that there was something that I couldn´t do, because I was a girl. But as grew up, I realised that it´s not true.
Sure, we´ve come a long way, but that doesn´t mean we have to stop and be happy with where we are. I´ve also come to realise that I have to choose my battles wisely, some simply aren´t worth my time.
Being a very active feminist isn´t always easy.

And now that I am back in the D/s world and try to find my place again, I came across the question:

Can I be a submissive and a feminist?

I´m not talking about the approach of some (many) men online, who think that me being a submissive means that I have to submit to them after their first message.
The question I ask myself is:
How can I be ok with giving up control, have someone make decisions for me, be ok with serving and putting his wishes first, with no regard of my own?

I´ve been struggling with this ever since I understood that I enjoy submitting. It somehow never made sense for me. At least not in the obvious way. But subconsciously I guess I always had an answer for it.
Those D/s relationships that felt best and gave me the most, were and will be those where I didn´t have to shrink myself and make myself smaller.
With the right partner – Doms, Sir, whatever you call it – I am able to grow, to explore the submissive part of myself and decide to submit, kneel, and serve. And all that because I want it, need it, and am accepted for all of me.

It took me a while to understand that D/s isn´t in conflict with feminism.
It allows me to be the sexual being I am, without being judged. Without being called names like ‘slut’. Well, I am still called that. But not as a bad thing. And I enjoy it.

I am a submissive, slutty feminist – and I love the combination.

Check out which songs are being talked about: