I´m Sorry Sir

I´m Sorry Sir

It is another week until I finally get to meet Michael in person.
It was clear to us from the moment when things got more intense that there might be flirting and a certain amount of D/s related playing, but him taking ownership of me and me submitting to him, will only happen after we have met in person.

Although I am sure that, when we meet, all expectations, hopes, and desires will be met, we still have been very cautions with our words and actions. We’ll, we’ve tried.

We have been getting to know each other for more than two months and of course some D/s related behaviour came naturally.
Calling him Sir, getting rules and tasks, and so on, was part of getting to know each other and became part of our daily interaction. That way we were able to see where we stand with our kinks, out limits, our fantasies, what is important for the other one.

With rules and tasks also came rewards and punishments.

Besides getting a punishment right away every now and then, there is also a system of points. Meaning I collect points for making a mistake or breaking a rule and whatnot and get to work them off in some way when we are together.

Obviously I am to keep track of my points. But what he seems to enjoy doing is to ask me how many points I have and also pretending to not know and say a wrong number.

When confronted with that, I pointed it out and was told that I should respectfully say: “I am sorry Sir, you seem to be mistaken. I (only) have XY points.” Otherwise the number of points he said will stay – needless to say it usually is MORE points than what I have so far.

Now, I love being right. I mean, who doesn´t?!

The reverse conclusion is that I hate being wrong, having that pointed out. What is even worse, is apologising.
Like with many other things I have worked on that and on myself and got better at apologising, saying that I am sorry, and admitting that I am wrong.

What I truly struggle with is saying “sorry” when I know I am right and have nothing to be sorry for or apologise to.
But as it sometimes happens in life, one has to stop arguing, give in and maybe say sorry even when one is in the right. There´s a wonderful saying “The wiser man (woman, in my case) gives in”. That might apply for such cases.

It now happens that D/s is not so different from “normal” life and every now and then I find myself in a situation where I can argue as much as I want, but in the end I have to give in and agree to what Michael says to be right.

So when he gets the points wrong, on purpose, I can feel several parts of my body revolting against correcting him. Even more so, because it should happen politely.
It´s not that I mind correcting him. I don´t mind that, at all. But Saying that I am sorry to correct him and that it “seems” he is mistaken – that drives me crazy.
Between us, I think he likes it.

Yet, I have to admit that I enjoy that he pushes me, makes me do things I´d prefer not to. He makes me feel.

Some time ago I saw a meme, which perfectly summoned up how I feel. I couldn´t find it on my phone, so I recreated it:

See, who else is apologising:

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6 Comments

  1. I won’t apologise unless there is something that I should apologise for. I have real concerns about it being any other way. I am pedantic about words at times but for me, it is really important that words have their true value and so I won’t make an apology that I do not mean.

  2. William

    I don’t know your dynamic, but reading this sounds like there is a level of abuse that isn’t necessarily healthy. As HappyComeLucky has said, an apology should only be forthcoming when there is validity to it. I certainly wouldn’t be apologising if my dominant gave the wrong count.

    No sure whether this is part of the dynamic or not, but the way I read it, this is non-consensual, and potential abuse. Not something I would be advocating to newcomers without clarification of consent.

    1. Lillith

      William, thank you so much for your concern.
      I always wonder whether what I write is understood the way I mean. English is not my first (or second) language, so I am constantly afraid that I am not being clear and am misunderstood. Like in this case.

      There is a difference between apologising although one isn’t wrong and being polite and saying “I’m sorry” before correcting someone. That might be a cultural thing, but I don’t usually tell people “Hey, you’re wrong”. Most of the time I say something like: “I’m sorry, I think you misunderstood/didn’t get it quite right/are wrong here.”
      So, as much as I admit that I hate being wrong and/or apologising, in the described case it’s more of a polite thing than an apology.

      As for your other concern. I am not a newcomer and do have a little bit of experience. I’m not saying I don’t make mistakes or choose wrong partners. But please be sure that the moment anything non-consensual happens, I’m out the door.

      I truly am very touched by all the people, who have never met me, talked to me, shown any interested in my relationship or cared for me in any other way, suddenly so concerned about me and my relationship.
      Please find someone else to be concerned for.

      Also, this answer might contain some sarcasm.

  3. Pingback: Handling Emotions - Lillith Avir

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