Weeks ago Michael said those words for the first time. Since then there were different variations, but the meaning remained the same.
That is what you were meant to be.
That is what you were made for.
You were meant to serve.
You were made to serve.
The context was my submission, me serving, being owned.
Every time I read those words, they made me cringe. There is something about those words that feels so very, very wrong and goes against everything I believe in, stand for, fight for.
I have mentioned my feelings to Michael and it seems that we understand this differently.
My understanding of those words is that serving is my purpose. When I hear him say that I feel reduced to just my submission and all the other parts of myself are left out.
I know he knows me better than that. I know how much he enjoys our conversations on different topics and he values my opinion. I am aware that he sees not only the sub in me, but a partner, a friend. I know he appreciates my brain and my thoughts.
It doesn’t bother me when he calls me a slut, a whore or anything like that. The opposite, it excited me and I love it.
As I wrote this post, I asked myself: Where’s the difference? Why is one kind of degradation no problem and the other is?
I remember, when I was looking for a Dom many years ago and was in contact with quite a few men, I had a whole list of limits. One of those limits was (and still is) calling me stupid or anything similar to that. And that plays a role in the feelings I have when he says that I was made to serve him.
But knowing how much he likes all of me, made it easier with time and I found it less uncomfortable the more I thought about it.
It’s not being called a slut or s whore that excites me. What I love is being called his slut and his whore.
My submissive side is a part of me. Just as being a feminist is, or being someone, who is in charge of many things in her daily life, and the list goes on.
Serving him is part of that submission. And seeing how well we seem to fit together, I come to think that maybe indeed I was made to serve him. I was meant to be his.
Just as he was meant to be my Dom and care for me and cherish me and my submission.