My phone was off for a while and as I turned it on again, I was welcomed back by several messages from Michael. One of those messages was a link to a video.
Porn!
Exciting! I had to wait a bit till I was able to have a look at it. It was something that we’ve talked about. Basically a guy fucking a woman and calling her a whore. So far, so good.
On Sunday, a bit less than 24 hours later I was on the phone with Michael and he asked me to start to video. While watching it I was to touch myself and tell him which parts I liked.
As I was watching and talking to him, I heard him ask a question which stayed on my mind for the whole evening and still was on my mind as I fell asleep.
Do you think you can be as much of a whore as she is?
My first response was to say that I will the best whore I can be for him.
I didn’t even respond to the comparison he made. Because at that moment I decided to not pay attention to it.
But Sunday was a very emotional day for me. So hearing him ask that question triggered something in me.
I’ve talked about my insecurities. The fear of not being good enough. Being compared to others can feed that insecurity.
I grew older, a bit wiser and worked through a lot of my issues. And D/s has a big part in it. The bad experiences as much as the really good ones.
Do you think you can be as much of a whore as she is?
I know that I can get very competitive. So hearing him say something like that can be a huge motivation.
And I know that it was meant as a motivation.
Truth to be told, how a comparison motivates me totally depends on the place my mind and my emotions are at that moment. And that is true for RL – or daily life – as well.
Do you think you can be as much of a whore as she is?
Writing this post today, I can tell you that this sentence would not effect me in the same way as it did on Sunday.
So I guess things that motivate us today can discourage us tomorrow and vice versa.
Do you think you can be as much of a whore as she is?
Btw, depending on the state of my mind, that sentence can also motivate me to very respectfully tell him to go fuck himself, if he’s not happy with the whore I am.
(And yes, live with the consequences.)
Have a look what motives others:
I totally get how you feel about the comparison, as that can sometimes call up insecure feelings in me too, thinking I am not good enough.
Rebel xox
I get it, I totally get it. Its a shame when those feelings get in the way. Learning to let go and not having a negative emotional responce is easier said than done.