There are quite a few things of which I am proud.
Mini-Mes, work accomplishments, my volunteer work, ideas, tasks well done, the kind of friend I am, and I could go on and on.
When I saw the prompt, my first thought was to write a D/s story where at the end, he tells her that he’s so proud of her. Then my mind jumped to the feeling I have when I make Sir proud. As I was trying to decide what to write about, I kept thinking of all the things I am proud of and my behaviour when being proud and sharing that feeling.
I grew up being an extremely shy child and I still am, but I worked my way around that – most of the time. On the other hand I always wanted to be the centre of attention and do things that made me proud. You see how that might be a bit contradicting. But as I said, I found ways to work around being shy.
As a teenager I started being extremely active in different areas and I guess the work (paid and voluntary) which I do today is very much connected to it. People would tell me that I did a great job and I’d be happy and proud. But when I would point it out in a different setting or at another occasion, I would be told that being proud is not a good trait.
For a girl.
As I wrote that it’s not only OWM (old white men) I remember hearing say it. It’s also my grandmother – and shockingly maybe even my mother.
So, I became quiter. Again.
Being proud is not a good trait. One shouldn’t be too loud about her achievements. Be modest. People will know what you did, you don’t need to remind them.
You know what? All the other people, who might have even done less, but talked about, were heard. And shy, quiet little me… Well, I waited patiently to be noticed.
I got lucky. I was noticed. By people who are a bit like me. They do, but don’t talk much about what they do. It’s been a long way for me. Learning that it is ok to be proud. Learning that it is ok to mention what I do. Learning that saying that I deserve something is more than ok.
Still, I often find myself making myself smaller.
“How was the seminar you ran?” – “It was alright.” It was fucking brilliant!
“We’d like to have you as part of our panel.” – “Me? Really? There more qualified people out there.” Yeah, I’ll do it. And I can’t wait to state my opinion and be heard.
BTW, same is true for D/s. Apparently a sub shouldn’t be too proud. Not a submissive trait. *sarcasm off*
“You are mine! You are beautiful. Your actions, your submission, owning you makes me proud.” – “Thank you, Sir. That is so kind of you to say.” Thank you Sir. I am proud to be yours. And yes, we both should be proud.
Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s not just me, but something that was given from one female generation to the next. Maybe it’s something different.
All I know is that within the past year I learnt that saying what I want, being proud of what I do and accepting who I am, was good for me. It showed me places I never though I’d go. It thought me that I can achieve things I dreamt about and experience a love I never thought I deserve or was possible.