I wrote this post as a task during “mean week, so several weeks ago.
Even before we met in person, Michael and I had talked about different things which excite us. Things we wanted to try or experience again. So when he told me that he wanted me to ask for permission to use the bathroom when we were together or on the phone, I wasn’t surprised. I had done that before.
Asking for permission while on the phone is an easy thing. In person it’s a bit harder. You have to get over yourself and actually look at him as you ask. But I managed that. A girl has to pee.
Then came a week when I was home from work and I was told that for this week I would have to ask permission every single time I wanted to use the bathroom. To be honest, he was pretty nice and I don’t think there was one time when he denied it and made me wait.
As a result of that week Sir asked me whether I’d want to make it a permanent thing. I thought about it for a while and eventually agreed. Obviously there are rules for the moments he can’t reply or is asleep. Or when I am somewhere, where asking and waiting for an answer is not doable. All my thoughts, doubts and fears were discussed. A few days passed and one day it started.
Up until then it was temporary. Till the call is over, as long as we’re together, till the end of the week. Now it was different. After asking for permission the first time after I agreed, my only thought was: “This is my life now“.
I certainly know that things can be discussed and reevaluated, but for now, it’s how my life is going to be.
It’s scary. Even after almost a week has passed it’s still scary. (Several weeks by now.) It is a huge step. More than giving up control over orgasms. You don’t have to have orgasms, but you do need to pee.
It’s a kind of humiliating. Letting him know when I need to use the bathroom. Did enough time pass since the last time I asked? And what if anyone else finds out about it? (By reading this post for example…)
There’s always a tiny bit of fear. What if he says no? And he certainly did that. And had me wait longer.
There’s planning. If I ask now, I will have the opportunity to wait a bit. If he denies me to use the bathroom, I won’t have the opportunity to go again until an hour later.
But there’s also trust. I know he wouldn’t do anything to harm me or my health. Agreeing to bathroom control, sticking to it and feeling good about it shows me how much closer we are today.
Of course it feeds my need and desire for attention and communication perfectly. I have a reason to contact him, he responds, I feel good – even if the answer is “no”.
It makes me feel submissive. In situations where I wouldn’t. It reminds me of my place, our dynamics, and that he owns me.
But it also teaches me to speak up when I need something. To not hope that he might start reading my mind.
The best part: He is always on my mind. He is part of my every day, and every night. Maybe that is what makes it so special for a LDR.
May I use the bathroom Sir?