I have written about being told that I disappointed my Dom before. And in the past few months I also had conversations on Twitter about it.
It’s interesting to see how people understand words differently and how one word can mean something very different to another person.
Michael and I had talked about the words “disappointed” and “angry”. For me, angry is very powerful, but at the same time it’s something that fades away quickly. Whereas disappointment is more permanent. Something that takes longer to get over.
For him it’s different. Due to experiences he had. So when he tells me he is disappointed in me it affects me in a very different way than meant by him.
For sometime now I have been looking for a different word. And to be honest I haven’t found one yet.
Of course we could simply agree on what the words mean to us. But I doubt that he’ll be ok with ever saying that he’s angry with me. And I will always feel that very deep sting when he says he’s disappointed. I don’t want that.
I could also try and always be obedient and fullfill all my tasks. But we know that won’t happen. I’m human. I will make mistakes. He will push me which will lead me to fail. And I am good with that. This is the way I grow, the way we grow.
So, until a word is found, I will see how he feels in his eyes, hear it in his voice and read it between the lines of his messages.