Here we go again.
In just a few more days we will meet. Again I will see him smile. Hear him whisper in my ear. Feel his hands on me. Have him in me.
Is it different than last time?
Now that I read the post I wrote about the same time before meeting him for the first time, I’d have to say “no”. It’s pretty similar.
I am nervous. I am scared. All for no apparent reason. Yet, here I am. Not logical.
One of the things that plays into all the feelings, is control and giving that up. Not the control over me, my orgasms and whatnot. Giving that control over to him is not such a problem for me.
It’s control over other things. I like being in control. I would even go so far to say that I need to be in control. All the events and seminars I run, I am the one who is in control. That way I can make sure things go the way they are supposed to.
I’m learning to share responsibilities. And sometimes it even works. There are people I work with, whom I trust to do things in a way that all works out. Not necessarily my way. (That is progress for me.)
Now I will be going to a country where I don’t speak the language. Neither does he. Smart move, I know. I have no idea what to expect of the place we are staying at. I have no experience with Airbnbs. Not even how to actually get there. (Of course I have checked that 56 times.)
We will spend 3 days together and I have no idea what he has planned. Has he planned anything? I don’t know what he plans regarding the points I have to work off. I don’t know what he’s bringing and planing on using on me. All I know is that I will arrive and meet him.
I’m not used to not have things planned out. It will be an experience, I will have to make and probably even like it.
Thinking back to last time, I also didn’t know what to expect. I hadn’t met him before. I had no idea how to get to the place we were staying or how that place would be.
There is a difference between last time and this. This time he will be there. And that is what is important. Because I know that he, his voice, his presence calms me down.
So, here I am. Nervous. But on the other hand, I can’t wait. Even though it’s just a few more days, it feels like forever.
It will be marvelous.