I like taking initiative. It’s not necessarily who I have always been, but it’s who I am now. Often it is not about the initiative itself. I am simply extremely impatient.
I’m sure Michael will be happy to tell you about our phone calls while I drive or walk and how annoyed I get when people in front of me are too slow. By “too slow” I mean “not as fast as I want them to be”. I get very impatient when things don’t work the way I want them to or as fast as I think they should.
I like taking initiative, because I get results. That has also been my dating life. And my impatience made it very hard for me to take things slow, even though I always say I want that.
Throughout my dating life I have been the one to take initiative. I never waited for a guy to actually be the active part. It usually was me. And I was alright with it. That’s how things were. But I did envy the other girls.
One guy explained to me once that it seemed I was more of a hunter than gatherer. The explanation went on to the point where he told me that he didn’t feel like he had to “work” to get me, to conquer me.
As stupid as I thought he was, it stuck with me. I like being the hunter, but the few times where I actually wasn’t, they stuck with me and will remain special.
I guess being a submissive is a way to allow myself to not take initiative. I give up the need to get things done in a way I want them done and submit to his will, his time frame, his pace.
But for that to work, a strong Dom is needed. Someone who allows me to get be the person who takes initiative, but also stops that and shows me that sometimes it is perfectly fine to have no control over what happens.
I found this person and I count myself lucky every single day.
Right now, being in a LDR and because of a virus, I don’t know when we will be able to see each other again. This makes me want to take initiative, but sadly there’s not much I can do.
In any case, last night, I informed him that I have decided for corona and this situation will end in June, because I will be visiting in July.