Silent Treatment

Silent Treatment

First I need to tell you that I know Michael would never ever use the silent treatment with me. Or with another person for that matter.

I am not writing this to make anyone feel sorry for me or feel sorry for myself. Just as many other times, I am writing this to sort the thoughts in my head. And also to realise how lucky I am.

Today I failed at a daily task. I informed him right away and explained why it happened, or did not happen for that matter. I waited for him to react and he went silent. He was online, but hadn’t read my latest response. As I stood there in the kitchen, with my phone in my hand, this creepy, horrible, little voice started whispering.

He’s disappointed.” – Well, sure he is.

He’s is being silent on purpose.” – No, he is not. He too has a local life and work and hasn’t even read my answer.

He saw the answer and chose not to respond, but make you wait.” – He’d never do that.

What makes you so sure? That’s what Doms do.” – That was the moment I actually told the voice to fuck off.

It’s one thing being so disappointed or angry because of another person and to not want to talk to him or her. But there should always be enough respect to at least inform the other person that you need a moment to yourself.

Going completely silent from one moment to the next, without any communication, is something very different.

I have experienced the silent treatment.

I have been in D/s relationships where the Dom would not talk to me when I made a mistake. I would sit there and wait. Waiting for him to calm down, to come back to me, to decide that I am worthy to be spoken to again. Patience is a virtue, they say.

It took me a while to actually see this behaviour for what it really is. Emotional abuse.

Like with many other things, silent treatment can be wonderfully masked within “D/s” – or what some people would like to pass as D/s. Especially with new subs. I remember adding the silent treatment to my list of limits, until I understood that it should not even be a thing at all.

I have grown, I have learned, I have made more pleasent and better experiences. And yet, like with a lot of other bad experiences, you never truly forget them. And that is good, that is how you recognise patters and make sure you’re safe.

But it also allows that ugly feeling to come and haunt me. Make me question me, him, us.

Today showed me though that I have no problem telling that miserable voice to fuck off.


  1. Please walk away from this relationship. I was with him for a while too and my hard limits were constantly questioned. He won’t be honest about how many women there are, he uses twitter to find new targets to groom. I was one of these, learn from my mistakes

    1. Lillith

      And here I thought I was pretty clear that I was NOT talking about Michael.
      But I guess, if you really try hard, you can understand anything so it’ll fit into your world.
      You have never talked to me, never followed me. You don’t know anything about me.
      Please walk away, with all your hatred.
      I almost feel sorry for you.

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  12. NonyaB

    I was subjected to the silent treatment. The first time (you wouldn’t believe it if I told you how soon after he asked me to be in a dynamic that he did it)
    2019-till April last year, he said bye, but I quit submitting long before that. I still have my days that I get so damn mad at myself then him.

    Im not sure if he thought I was a weak person, or I didn’t love myself. Either way I gave him the benefit of the doubt, besides letting him be as close to himself as anyone probably had in his life. Narcissist all the way.
    I had never used that word until 2021 when I Binged the silent treatment and what kind of person uses it. I combed through everything I could find.

    The sad and funny thing is I recognized what the strangeness of me and my mother’s relationship was . Age 52. I laugh because it affirmed that I wasn’t crazy (I already knew that). Now I understood why I got so damned mad 2h3n he 2oule give me the silent treatment and then like nothing, and then I would act like someone normally would act , he would say

    My name, why are you like this?

    Has, that’s called knocking into the water, something like that. At first, I would say, like what? I’m a very literal person. Then I remember one day when it shifted, ohh, I got livid.

    This entire thing was unhealthy for me, and he never has once acknowledged anything. But what do I expect?

    I expect people to not try and extinguish my damn flame I aide that is my essence. That makes me me.
    The belief that everything will be okay. It may not be what anyone envisioned but it will be okay. I’m an optimist, and I leaned that folks like him have a black hole inside and people like me feed it, but it’s never enough. Part of me loves still, but I realize 2 things, it will never be what I need or want and just because someone has a baby or father’s a baby doesn’t turn them into a good person.

    I’m sorry that I went on. Silent treatment is BS and no one should ever even make someone think that’s 3hst they are doing.

    I see so many people (Doms and subs) try to justify it. I always say my peace, blunt just like I am. (I’m not referring to when tempers need to cool, those that know, KNOW what I refer to)

    Enjoying YOUR opening/letting glimpses of your life, thoughts.

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