It gets hard, once you start thinking.
This I recently heard someone say. It was not referring to something complicated like love or so. But the moment I heard it, all I could do was smile, nod and think about how true that is.
Once I start thinking about something, it gets complicated. Of course I’m not talking about what to have for dinner or even what to wear for work. It’s other things that I seem to enjoy to overthink.
Even when it comes to decisions, I’m alright. I might take a while to decide, but usually I know deep inside how I want things to go.
For example, when I was offered the job I have now, I said I’d have to think on that, but I knew I would take it. Same was true when. I decided to meet Michael last year. I mean, what’s the point of waiting and pushing it further into the future? I knew I liked him and that I wanted to submit to him, but I made it clear that I wouldn’t before meeting him in person. So I informed him that I was planning on coming and meeting him.
Once my mind is set on something, I do it. I even was like that as a child and a teenager. I did what I thought was right. And looking back, boy was I lucky that I didn’t get into much trouble.
Luckily people around me are used to it and go along with my plans and decisions.
Where thinking becomes a problem, is when I start wondering about the “What ifs”.
The all-time favourite is: What if he realises that he’d be better off without me?
Up there we also have: What if friends find out about this blog, my D/s life, this side of me? I could go on and on with my “what if” thoughts. I can get lost in them and start obsessing about things that might never happen. It’s very much like a ladder leading into nothing.
How do I deal with those thoughts and moments?
It very much depends on the mood, the amount of wine I might have had, the time of day and so many other things.
What I found to actually help a lot, is to talk about those thoughts and fears. Yes, shocking, I know. Talking calms my mind. So does writing. It helps me sort the thoughts and see them for what they really are. And if I’m really lucky, I suddenly understand where it all comes from and that allows me to face the “what if” and deal with what is actually behind it.