Service Dom

Service Dom

Yes, you read correctly! I named this post “Service Dom”. Let me elaborate.

I have never described myself as a “Service Sub”.
I do like to think of myself as a helpful person. I offer my help and knowledge to friends and acquaintances. So, not in a D/s kind of way. I am not submissive when proving any service to people around me.

Being the person that I am, I never looked at serving as a kink or somehow connected to my submission. Which lead me to ask a friend on that topic, before writing this post. Here’s part of her answer:

In it’s simplest form, I think it is putting someone’s wants before your own. But that should not be confused with putting their needs over your own. If I am to provide service, I should consider what “service” I can provide that is useful to the person I am serving.


I find this explanation very useful. And also, to me, it describes a partnership and can be an explanation for “regular” relationships.

As much as I love helping and, well, serving, I struggle asking for help.

Now I find myself with a man who goes out of his way to help me.
It started with little things, which were put into D/s context.
I mentioned that I wish I would make more time to read, for example. And soon enough I had a task of reading at least 5 pages a day. He suggests books, we discuss them.

Same is true for other normal things, like relugar exercise or making sure I do not forget to wear earrings (yes, that is important to me).

But he has also helped me in daily things, even work related, without any D/s connection. Everytime I tell him in one of our calls that I have had a tech problem, his response is “Why didn’t you ask?”. The answer usually is that I wanted to try to do it on my own and also am mostly capable of using Google. But I have noticed that I started actually asking him to help, explain or talk me through things. (Yes, I still want to try and do it myself mostly.)

The other day we were talking about what he will cook when I finally come to visit. He was making plans on what I can eat and can’t and find ways to have me happy (and full of carbs).

Every time we were together, in each other’s presence, he made sure that I am well, even if that meant wandering around town to find a place that actually serves food I would consider eating.

Looking at the explanation provided by @ServiceSlut, I would say he is putting my wants above his. He is thinking of ways to provide a service that is useful and helpful to me.

It almost seems, I have gotten myself a “Service Dom”.

Does that make him less dominant or me less submissive? No, it doesn’t. It simply shows that he cares for me and I care for him. Because, you know what, I look out for him and his wants as well.

Check out other views on Serving:


  1. Thank you for sharing with Tell Me About.

    I think it is lovely that you have someone who looks out for you like this, and given your definition I would agree with you. I’ve heard this referred to as a caretaker Dom too.

    I hope you are well,


  2. I agree with your friend’s definition of service and until I saw things like that, had thought myself not a service sub either. Now I do see that service is part of my submission. I think that to see it as service that the other person wants, rather than just something that you would like to do for them is helpful and it has allowed me to view some of the tasks we complete differently. I think that lots of Doms do things for their subs, especially to take care of them and don’t think that this makes them any less Dominant for doing so. Often these things are about how you see them as a couple and how they play into the respect that you have for one another. It is always interesting to find out more about how things work for other people too. Thank you for adding to Tell Me About 🙂

  3. Pingback: A Day of Servitude - Lillith Avir

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