The Spreadsheet

The Spreadsheet

As I have written, when I suggested this Kink of the Week, I love lists. I love everything to do with them. I enjoy writing a to-do-list. It helps me see what needs to be done and which things are more important than others. Every now and then I will also write the approximate time, it will take me to do the things that needs to be done. And when I’m feeling really wild, I write a list and then a time table of what to do when.

Because I do a lot of things in addition to work, like several volunteer projects, lists help me remember stuff that might slip my mind.

I can’t even begin to explain the satisfaction I get when I am done with one thing and can cross it off. It’s amazing. I have one friend who actually writes “finish list” as a to-do-point on the list. So when she’s done writing, she can cross one thing off right away. I can totally understand that, but sadly my lists never seem to end.

When it comes to D/s, I find lists again very helpful. Having a list of things I want to try or topics to discuss. And of course a list of tasks or punishments.

Recently I was asked a question, which I found odd and I did some research by talking to different people within the D/s community. As well as US/UK as also here in Germany. Turns out, it is very common.

Actually it wasn’t a question. It was an assumption that I too had gotten “the spreadsheet” from him (aka Michael). I did not answer or comment that in anyway. But it did get me thinking.

I’m pretty sure you all know what kind of list or spreadsheet that person was talking about. One of those with kinks and fetishes on them. And how much one likes it or doesn’t. And also what one is curious about or where the limits are.

I’ve seen those lists around and I believe I had gotten some in the past. But the one that stuck with me, was when The Captain sent me one. It was clear that things were moving into a certain direction. We got along great on a personal level and then he asked me to fill that out. His was really detailed. With things like height and eye colour and stuff. And filling that out was fun. I learned so many things. Words and kinks I had never heard about.

Going forward several years, I received another one of those spreadsheets. Yes, from Michael. I sent him my answers, he sent me his and we talked about things and ideas and what the other one answered on a certain kink or where limits were and are.

In uptil I had gotten that DM, I never thought about those lists a lot. Now, that I was almost forced to think about it, I formed an opinion on those lists.

It shouldn’t come as a big surprise that I like them. You are getting to know someone. Not just someone you met at a bar, but someone with a similar interest. D/s or BDSM is not such a huge community, yet you don’t want to suddenly realise that you have being spending time with someone who is not into anything that you are into. Maybe that is the practical me speaking.

In the past and the present, I find those lists and spreadsheets extremely helpful. It shows you who the other person is, it shows you what is important to them, it gives you new ideas or reminds you of something you never ever want to experience again. And best of all, it gives you something to talk about and discuss, to communicate about. And that is the mist important part of a relationship. With or without lists.

Btw, in a LDR I have found lists to be wonderful. Lists of things to do and try when meeting again. It helps a bit with the longing and makes you look forward to the next time you meet. And maybe in times like now, those lists are more important than ever.

Did I tell you that he also started a list of things for us to do and try? Yeah, it’s contagious.

Read about other lists:


  1. Bee

    One of my favourite lists is my BDSM checklist. I love reviewing it together, seeing if our wants and needs have changed, seeing if there’s things on the list we haven’t tried yet and how we can change that and add it to our fuckit list.

  2. Violet xo

    I relate to this all so much and there are a number of pinned tabs in my browser at all times that are various spreadsheets for tasks and achievements, ideas and feedback. It’s a great system and really works for us. It’s really so attractive and exciting that he’s SO on top of it. I’m used to feeling like the one taking it seriously; it’s nice to finally have that feel mutual.

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