There will come a time when you believe everything is finished; that will be the beginning.Louis L’Amour
2019 was not necessarily the best year in my life. Althought January was still ok, February sucked. My body didn’t do what I wanted it to. I had to go to the hospital and have a minor surgery. I will not go into details, but it wasn’t fun. Things didn’t go the way they were supposed to and I wasn’t sure what would happen next. The year continued with a broken bone and other things, which often enough made me wish the year to be over. Yeah, if I had only known what 2020 would have in store for the world.
In March 2019 something changed. I’m not sure what it was and I didn’t realise it back then.
Often enough one knows new beginnings. One experiences something and decides to change or is forced to change.
Even more often, we know when something’s over. I could feel that the relationship with the Captain years ago was about to be over. I could also feel that the existence of Lilly as I was back back then, was coming to an end. I just didn’t want to believe either.
Back then Lilly slowly faded away, I stopped writing on my blog, I stopped tweeting. I simply felt I had nothing more to share. I tried to make it work, but you can’t force things like that.
Back to March 2019. I can’t say what it was that brought Lilly back as we knew her. Slowly she was coming back. So, I started tweeting again, I started writing again. I tried to connect with how things were before. And it worked, for some part. But mostly it didn’t. It took me several months and some not so smart decisions and men to finally understand that a new beginning was needed.
Not only did I meet a man, I never thought I would, and we made something work that I thought would never work. I also understood that I became a different person. Those who knew me before, remember that for the most time my Twitter handle was Lillith_M and the name of my blog was different.
But that ended.
I am a different person than I was in 2015. After that year I believed that I was done with this world, blogging, D/s, and Lilly.
I was convinced it was finished. But looking back I can now see, it was just the beginning of healing and the first step to become the woman I am today.