Whether worn or not a collar is never off.
I have written on the topic of collars on a few occasions. The last one I wrote few months ago and was talking about me missing a collar around my neck in certain occasions.
I remember when I was new to all of this, it seemed that a collar is necessary. If you are an owned submissive, you have to have a collar. It was a must, a bit like a uniform. I craved to wear a collar and show that I belonged to the man I was with.
I remember that P had a few tags for me, which he’d put on the collar when I visited.
Looking back I also see how collars or the promise of one were used to keep me at a distance. “You have to earn a collar.” That sentence never sat right with me. Not that it might not be true for others, but for me it felt like I was being held a distance and the dom was not sure about our relationship.
I guess doms have commitment issues as well.
And then of course we also have the men who started talking about collars way too early. I don’t mean when part of a conversation where you are learning about each other. More like “We started talking yestersay. Would you like me to buy you that or this collar?”.
For me, so many things playing into that quote. If everything is right, there’s no difference whether the collar is worn or not. It’s all about the reasons behind it. Is there no collar, because one is unsure? Is the collar worn to mark your territory?
My personal view?
I love seeing pretty collars and amiring them. But I am not really one to wear a necklace every day. That is the reason why my collar is a bracelet. I don’t need anything to remind me that I am owned. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t think of our dymanics every time I look or touch the bracelet. It has become part of me and I’m not constantly aware that it’s there. Which symbolises us and our dynamic pretty good.
I don’t spend most of my day thinking that I am his submissive, but that doesn’t mean that our dynamic changes. D/s has become a part of me.
But if I had to choose between having a collar and not having one, I’d always go for one.