Green Eyed Monster

On Thursday he asked me whether I enjoyed flirting with @ServiceSlut. And I did. I love flirting. It’s fun. The dance, the teasing, waiting for the reaction, testing how far one can go. I have always liked flirting. And often I flirt without even noticing it. Over the years I have found the perfect line right on the edge of clearly flirting.

And I do it with all kinds of people. Whether it’s him or the guy selling me coffee or that cute girl working at the near by grocery store. I have also found that I do it as a reflex. Now, of course I don’t mean I will just blurt out “I think you’re so hot”. At least not to most people. But little jokes that are slightly inappropriate, if I know how the person reacts to those.

At other times the flirting is more obvious. That usually happens on Twitter. And ever so often with women. I find flirting with women more exciting, because it’s more of a challenge for me.

So, the answer to his question was easy. Of curse I enjoyed it. Then I asked him whether he enjoyed me flirting with her and apparently did enjoy it as well. But then he said the following. “Hopefully someday the gender of who you flirt with won’t matter.” For a second I didn’t know what he meant. Was he talking about the world or him? So I asked and found out that he was talking about himself.

From that a discussion started. I wondered, if for him it was the gender of the person I was flirting with or the particular individual, that bothered him. I knew the answer before he told me that it was the gender. But then he said the oddest thing. To me it was odd.

“I know it is a personal flaw.”

And that was the moment I strongly disagreed. Although I’m not in general uncomfortable when he flirts with other women, there were cases where I didn’t like it. And I told him that.

It took me many years to understand that me being uncomfortable with my man flirting with another woman or talking about having another sub or something of that kind, was not necessarily my problem. I have suffered through enough conversations where I was told or made feel that I am not enough and that is why another woman is needed. I also was in several relationships where I was one of many. And I have learned that that’s not for me. It was a long way to admit it to myself and others. And stand my ground.

How is me being uncomfortable and not liking it different from him? I don’t see the difference. He says it’s about my choices being restricted. I sadly fail to see how his choice aren’t restricted when I ask the same of him. But then again, it’s emotions there’s no room for logic. Or so I was explained.

I knew what I was getting myself into, before I was his. Would I like to have a threesome one day, where I get fucked by him and another man. Sure. But I know that it might not happen. And that is alright, because with him and through him I learn so many new things and get to try them out. He brings all of that out in me.