For some days I had to thought and I became more and more aware of it. So much so that I made some notes last night, before I fell asleep and this morning I knew I had to write a post about it.

In 2012 I wrote a post with the title “happy people“. I don’t remember all the posts and titles on here, but I did remember that one.

You know who I dislike? Happy people. I wouldn’t say I hate them. That is reserved for special people. Especially those, who are happy right in your face.

I don’t dislike them because of who they are, but because of myself. Usually. I remember how I was struggling in the end of March and April. Probably in May as well. The situation in the world is making it impossible to plan. And this uncertainty is very, very hard to cope with.

There were moments in the past few months, where I found it particularly difficult to read about others being with their person. Or at least being able to meet them.

Now, a LDR is never is easy. Not in the best of times and under good circumstances. But right now it sucks balls. And while I am glad that there are people, who are happy and making it work, it sometimes makes me realise that my own situation is not easy.

I don’t know what and how it happened, but somehow it worked out and I will get to see Michael again and spend the next days with him. For all I knew, it would’ve been at least several more months, if not next year, that it feels very unreal.

I know that we got lucky. Being LDR, but not too far apart and the way (especially) my country handled this virus.

I realised that I seem to have become one of them. Lucky people. I posted a daily countdown, I talked about July and I got lost in my own happiness. While I know that it is alright and I might even have every right to that, I also know that it might hurt others and make them sad.

Of course that is not the intention and I am still trying to figure out a way to find a way to express my happiness and consider other people’s feelings. I might even have an idea.

But for now. I’m not sorry for being happy, but I am sorry for everyone out there hurting, longing to be with their person. It’s not fair and I really hope that very soon, we all get to smile and feel the comfort of our loved ones close to us.

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