Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.Oscar Wilde
Isn’t that true?!
There is no discussion about sex being about power.
But I have been thinking a lot about the other part of this quote. I agree with Oscar Wilde here. But I’m not sure whether it is truer for D/s or for vanilla relationships.
In the beginning my explorations into D/s were about sex. It turned me on. The ideas and fantasies in my head were what helped me have orgasms. I would dream about being cuffed or simply used for another person’s pleasure. It was all about sex.
In my 20s I finally got to explore D/s more in reality. The fantasies became real and I got to experience many of the things I had been dreaming about. D/s became part of my sexuality.
During the times when I wasn’t interested in having a D/s relationship, the fantasies never really went away. The stories I read, while enjoying myself, were always in some BDSM context.
When it comes to D/s I wonder:
Is it about sex or power?
Getting spanked, being punished, giving away control and power. Just to name a few things, which arouse me, make wet and totally are about sex. But it’s more than just sex. Would I enjoy D/s, if it was without sex? No, I wouldn’t.
The sexual aspect of it is huge.
Still, my submission is not only in the bedroom or whichever room we are doing it in. My submission finds ways into all kinds of parts of my life. There’s nothing sexual about asking permission to go to sleep – as an example. It is about power. The power I decided to give him over me and the power he decides to have and use.
And at the same time, while there might not be anything sexual about little daily things, when brought into D/s context, somehow it becomes connected to sex.
And that proves Oscar Wilde right. Everything is about sex.
While I was writting this post I came to realise that it’s as true for D/s as for vanilla relationships. But I feel, I’m freer to admit and enjoy it within D/s.
Everything is about sex. And the power is about sex as well.