As a submissive, you’re in control.
Of course I am in control. I love being in control. Ask anyone, including Michael.
You know what happens when I give up control and give it to someone else? Nothing, at best. I have written about it before. Very often I have experienced that people ask me to allow them to help me. So I gladly (more or less) accept the help. And in 4 out of 5 times it ends up with me either reminding them to do what they offered to do or doing it myself.
Right now I am in the process of transitioning from one position to another. I cannot have both and already I am wondering whether there is anyone out there able to take it over.
I love being in control, because that way I know that things are getting done or not. And if not, it’s easier for me that’s its my fault.
Now, as a submissive. Am I the one in control?
I have been hearing and reading that sentence for many years. And I think I understand what the point of it is. A submissive gives away control to a dominant and he does whatever he wants. Yet, it’s in the submissive’s power to stop. By saying the safeword, breaking it up or a number of other possibilities.
So yes, I am totally in control.
I use my safeword. I also very clearly tell Michael when I dislike something. Whether it’s d/s related or any other aspect of our relationship. And he is always such a good dom (yeah, I wanted to write a different word). And he’s a good boyfriend. He understands what I dislike or what really drives me crazy and stops it, after apologising.
I am in control. Because I choose being in control. I like controlling.
One of the things I control is who owns me, who my dominant is, who my partner is. It’s not something he took, because he wanted it to. It was giving to him, because I chose to.
I have the control to submit to him.
But you know what another important factor is? His control. He is in control as much as I am. Just as his control doesn’t mean anything, if I’d ever decide to stop submitting. The same is true for me. I can only control my choice to submit, if he wants me to be his submissive.
It’s not a question whether the submissive or the dominant is in control. It’s about us as humans being in control. We both are in control. Equally. And that is the only way this relationship could ever work.