You know how dreams are. When you think of them and try to remember details or how they started, they don’t make sense. Or the details in those dreams don’t make sense.

A couple of minutes ago, I woke up from a dream and as it is light outside, I decided to check the time. While I was doing that parts of my dream where coming back.

Mostly that horrible feeling. Not like from a dream where I’m being chased or something. More an unease. And the memory of my heart breaking in said dream.

What was the dream?

Obviously the details are a bit fuzzy. But I’ll try to get it together. I was visiting him. I was supposed to stay for a while. We stayed at his apartment and it was wonderful. We had fun and got along great. Yet, suddenly, a day before I was scheduled to leave, another woman was there suddenly. I was presented with the fact that they are together now. She was German speaking, yet lived in the UK. She was local and available. A couple of talks later I was packing up part of my things, because for some reason I couldn’t take everything with me. She had already started to change things around the apartment and had her things in and set in place. She definitely was eager to see me go and he didn’t really care.

As I was looking through my things, I found my collar (which I can’t wear right now in RL, due to a brace I’m wearing on my wrist). I decided to leave it there, after placing it in a way that it would be seen.

As left the apartment and waited for the elevator wondering whether I packed my mobile, I woke up.

That was not a nice dream. Anything but. And I have no idea where it came from. We were making plans to meet and spend days together. Besides one little moment past week, I hadn’t have one of my “one day you’ll find someone local/more available/better suited/etc.” moments.

What was the worst part of the dream? Was it that she was suddenly there and talking over? Was it that he obviously chatted with her and meet her, while I was doing there? Was it that he didn’t care? Was it that I was hoping it won’t work out and he’ll come back (Would I take him back?)?

I don’t know. And to be honest, I don’t care. I woke up feeling horrible and thinking about that dream.

Now I will go and listen to his morning message and it’ll help. And maybe I will get to have a little bit more sleep.

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