When Push Comes to Shove

When Push Comes to Shove

“So many things to unlearn….”

The Other Me

So many things to write about when it comes to this quote. On the other hand, I had a post I started a few days ago and when thinking about it, it fit.

You are always such a good girl.

Isn’t that a lovely thing to hear or read? I love hearing “good girl”. It gets to that very special place in my mind, and my body. I love being a good girl.

Being told that I am always a good girl should make me feel extra good. And one day it will… Maybe.

I remember the first time Michael called me a good girl. Oh the feelings! And it still is amazing. I try being a good girl and do my tasks and behave. But I also know that I fail. I forget things, I miss deadlines. The regular stuff.

I try not to find excuses. If it was out of my control, then it was out of my control. I don’t feel bad about it. Anymore.

And when I fail at a task, I say so and accept the consequences. I do feel bad about it, but not for too long. I know that all is forgiven at one point. Maybe not right away, but we move on.

That too is something I needed to learn. Or unlearn really. I know how bad I felt, when I didn’t do a task. For whatever reason. I felt bad for long and I think it was worse, when it was out of my control. Unlearning is harder than learning. You already have feelings, thoughts, opinions, answers set and unlearning them is a long process.

One thing I still am working on is accepting to hear that I’m always a good girl. What happened when he told me that I am exactly that?

My brain said: Nope! I’m not.

How can I always be a good girl when I fail and don’t do my tasks or as I’m told? It doesn’t compute.

And what happened when I heard him say those words, or read them really? I denied it. I told him that it’s not true. And then I fell back into that pattern that I have. I began pushing him away. With words and ideas. I told him that obviously that isn’t true and how could he even say that. Wouldn’t someone else be better?

I fell back into old patterns.

Unlearning is hard. In this case, I know, it will take me much longer than it already has. He will need to be patient, like he always is. And I will need to accept that he is just that.

One day I will know that failing at tasks or missing tasks doesn’t mean I’m not always a good girl.

Once I’ve learned that, there will be so many other things to be unlearned.

Read who else is unlearning things:

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