A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.

Joan Rivers

Hello, my name is Lilly and I’m a slut, as I have written many years ago.

This week’s quote inspired me to think about the men I’ve been with. Not so much each of them, but the number. I kept counting them, but at some point I wasn’t sure whether I forgot someone or counted a guy twice. So I made a list and it seemed short. Until more names came to mind and I’m pretty sure there are more that I will add.

To be totally honest, there are at least two names on the list that are followed by a question mark, because I am not sure whether I actually slept with them or not.

And trying to remember whether I did brought up a different question. Am I a slut because of the men I slept with (aka PIV) or also because of men that I made out with. I will not even try and count them….

But I guess, when it comes to being called a “tramp” it doesn’t really count how many penises were in my vagina.

Back to the quote. Many things came to mind when I read it. What fascinated me the most about myself was that I didn’t even think how outrages it is. Men and women are not measured by the same standards, when it comes to sex. As much as it bothers me and as much as I hate it, I don’t get worked up about it. Anymore. I think I’m just too tired to fight the same fight again and again.

What I do wonder about is the following. So a man is free to sleep around and brag about it and is maybe even seen as successful or something. Women in the other hand are not. Now I assume we are talking about a man sleeping with a lot of women. But where do these women come from? Are those always the same women that all the men have sex with?

If you want to have sex with lots of women, but also want women to be non-slutty, well, I don’t see how that works out. It’s like a weird sex-math problem.

Joan Rivers uses the word “mistake”. We all do make mistakes. Were all the men I’ve slept with, made out with mistakes? A bunch of them for sure. Do I regret any of the encounters. Hell yeah. But it doesn’t make me a bad person or not a good friend or a horrible colleague. If anything, it makes me a great girlfriend who knows what she like when it comes to sex and has learned what her boyfriend might like.

I might be a slut, but that’s not what defines me. And if a man or any person really needs to define themselves through how many people they had sex with, well, that’s just sad.

And while I’m on the subject: Why is there no word like “slut” for men?

See who else writes about being a tramp:

2 Comments

  1. Still that perception that men can be experienced and women become sluts pervades wider culture. I think having children changes my energy towards it because I want better for them than the ideas we grew up with.

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