Never Have I Ever…
…chosen a collar for myself.
I had collars before. I craved to have a collar. I begged to have a collar. I also had an every day collar – I wonder whether it’s still around here somewhere. I won’t go into my history with collars now and if you want to read about it, search here for “collar” and enjoy.
I have changed my views in regards to collars. I don’t need a collar. I don’t feel incomplete without it. But every now and then I miss something. I miss the feeling of something permanently around my neck.
I very, very much enjobeing choked and maybe I see a connection here.
Michael and I spoke about collars. He said, he’d like me to have one and I did my famous “Oh, I don’t really need one”. Then he showed me pictures of different collars and I responded with “They are all really nice”. He loves when I’m that way….
So he gave me a task. By November 15th I will need to send him 5 choices of collars. I know I still have a few days, but there’s no time like the present and also today’s #NeverHaveIEver activity needed to be moved to a few days later.
Here I sit and search the Internet. Did you know how many collars there are out there? I am a bit overwhelmed. Or to quote Michael:
Torture is making the sub decide.
Why is this so hard for me? I’m not sure. As usual there are several aspects.
I have to ask for something. And I hate that! The only thing that is worse is asking for help. I find that very hard and I know it shouldn’t be.
Also, it means opening up more, showing more of myself. Again, it’s not a bad thing, yet here I am.
I don’t want to be a hassle. I am happy with what I have. It’s alright the way it is. Yeah, he’s a patient man.
There are tasks to be done and pictures to be looked at. And maybe one day – soon – I will get to show you all my very own collar. Chosen by him, but with my input.