Today

Today, a year ago, my life changed.

Today, a year ago, I put on some panties (the same ones I’m wearing today), I packed a small suitcase, probably had some coffee, made sure all was set at home and was on my way.
I had one more errand to run before I was on my way to the airport. I was getting nervous for a few days now.

Today, a year ago, was the last time I flew to London. I had more travelling plans, but we all know how that is going. I got to the airport, checked in my bag, boarded the plane and all I could do then was wait. How I love that. I tried writing a post, but my head kept going back to what would happen later that day. The only thing I managed to do was use the bathroom, take off my panties and change normal tights to hold-up stockings.

Today, a year ago, the plane landed, I got out and got some British cash while I waited for the bag. It was still unreal, there still was a step ahead of leaving the airport. The moment I got my bag, I panicked. I remember it like it was yesterday. “What the fuck are you doing?” was the thought going through my head. I had written about this day before but I really was panicking. I was away from D/s for several years and had some brief moments with a few men over the summer, but I knew that was different. Or I panicked because I knew I’d be stuck with that stranger from the Internet for the next few days.

Today, a year ago, I took a deep breath and took one step after the other, until I saw him, hugged him and spend the most wonderful year with him.

Today, looking back at last year, I see that what I did after taking a deep breath was pretty much what I have been doing pretty much since. One step at a time. I have learned so much in the past year. About Michael, obviously. About myself. About us as well. Mistakes were made – he says mostly by him, but I believe he’s just a better person and is able to let more things go than I can. I learned to not be as scared about letting him in, allowing him to see my true self.

Today, a year later, what surprises me most, is that he loves me. With all my crazy, weird, pushing-away attitude. He takes time and puts so much effort into understanding me and making sure I’m feeling safe and secure. The more he does that, the more I feel myself calming down.

The more buttons you undo,’ she said, the faster I become undone.
Michael Faudet

Today, a year ago, he didn’t think, he’d write the post he wrote today.

Today, several days ago, I received a package. It’s a present from my Michael for me. I know it is a collar. I know that because I am smart. I also know that because last month I had to send him pics of 5 collars I liked. Additionally I know it, because I could feel it through the packaging. I don’t know which collar he chose and I can’t wait to find out.

Today I will put it on and if you tap on the picture of the present below, you’ll see the collar, is the collar he chose. And I already know it is perfect, because it was his choice.

I love you Michael!