The dom is the responsible one.
Yes, of course the dom is!
Did I hear you gasp? Keep on reading.
Yes, the dominant partner should be the responsibie one. And the submissive partner should be the other responsible one too.
D/s is a relationship of consenting adults. The emphasis is on the word “adult”. A parent is responsible for their child. A child might not be able to make the best decisions and trusts the parent to always have their best interest at heart. Of course the last point is also true for d/s or any other relationship. But it goes both ways.
I see how for the outside it might seem that the dominant partner is the responsible one and it might even be appealing for someone to give away all responsibility. It’s easy to live that way. To always have someone, who is responsible for you. Less stress, less thinking – less responsibility. But that is not what a healthy relationship looks to me.
I am responsible for my choices. I am responsible for my relationship. I am responsible for my thoughts and opinions.
By giving away some control to my dom I choose to make him responsible for me. But it’s my choice, my responsibility. Even when I decide to give away some responsibilities, I am still responsible to think, speak up, be aware what is happening.
I’d even say that I am also responsible for my dom. Just as much as the dom is for the sub. How’s the dom supposed to know whether what is done is harmful or a good idea? And the dominant partner needs just as much taking care of as the sub.
That is something I had to see and understand myself. I feel its an aspect that is not talked about much in d/s. I guess, otherwise for some it would seem that the dom is not as powerful and, well, dominant as they seem.
Both are responsible. For each other and themselves.
See who else is getting a #JanuaryJumpstart:
Mutual caring and responsibility.
I was not sure if I would have chance to write a post for this one – but you summed up exactly what I was thinking. I think I was going to title my post „It Takes Two To Tango“. All sex is a responsibility – you will have an impact on the other person and the way you treat them will add to the way they view themselves as a person and their own body, the way they view other people, the way they view relationships, sex, and all sorts of other stuff.
Sometimes I am a little shy of giving my thoughts because I don’t feel comfortable attaching myself to the „traditional“ view of doms and subs. I am submissive to Ben by nature – not by practicing a set of rules. And to be honest I don’t think I ever want any part of my relationships or sex life to be just because others say so. I want it to be natural, spontaneous, meaningful to me and Ben.
The more I read of erotic bloggers, BDSM bloggers, dom/sub bloggers – the less I like labels or rules or even some kind of club being a thing in sex.
I do find it interesting to learn how people think and feel and I think talking or writing is healthy – so long as it is not dangerous.
But I do love the issues you raise and it is interesting to contemplate my own thoughts and put together a post. My head is bit in the air still after our stressful travel experience and being in quarantine at the moment. But I love taking part in your prompts….xx
I love this line: “And the dominant partner needs just as much taking care of as the sub.”
Great prompt and post.