The current NoTrueWay thought is:
I know it comes as a surprise to all of you, but I strongly disagree.
The moment a statement has the word “real” in it, I sigh. And not in a good way. How does 24/7 make a dynamic more real?
As I was thinking of what to write about the prompt and when I selected it, I had a bit of a hidden agenda. I have a bit of a troubled feeling toward the idea of 24/7. A dynamic like that has been the topic of several discussions Michael and I had in the past, and will have in the future.
24/7 is fucking scary. The idea frightens me and makes me want to run in the opposite direction. I’m not exaggerating. This is how I feel. If I’d need to explain why, I couldn’t. Maybe some more understanding of myself will one day make it clear to me.
I always connect 24/7 with high protocol and strictness. While I’m not opposed to protocol, to some extent, and I like strictness, usually, in my head it’s always there – 24/7 so to speak.
So a statement as the one above is a bit insulting to me I guess. If only 24/7 dynamics are real, I can’t have a real d/s dynamic. And I know that’s not true. There are so many ways and dynamics in d/s, or however you want to call it. One might work for someone and not for another person. Yet, that doesn’t make it more or less real. I believe that it can even mean different things for different people. As I said, 24/7 is scary.
A few weeks ago I was taking a walk and on the phone with Michael. On the previous day or maybe days, I had asked him to take more control. So we were talking about that and I believe I was trying to explain what I meant and felt. That was the moment he said a thing:
You do realise that what you’re asking for sounds very much like 24/7, right?
My reaction? I shushed him, like the good submissive I am. I shushed him in a playful way and it was meant to be funny. But at the same time what he said scared me. It brought up so many contradicting feelings. How can I want 24/7 when I so clearly stated that I’m never ever going to want it? How could what I as asking for even be 24/7?
That is the problems with labels. Once you label something it’s hard to have it unlabelled. Words have meaning and we start associating one interpretation with one thing, when it could also have so many other meanings.
The idea of 24/7 is still scary to me and I don’t want to use this term. In the end it doesn’t matter what I call it. As long as my partner and I are happy with the dynamic we have. Because that’s what makes it real.
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I can totally see where you are coming from…and that kind of 24/7 WOULD be terrifying for me, too. I often consider it – what happens when I’m not in the mood for it? What happens when I’m having a bad day? Because we’ve faced just that thing in our house. (And we’ll face it many more times, I’m sure. But that’s growth, I suppose.)
I guess I’ve come to see 24/7 as – it’s always in the background, NOT – it’s always in the forefront. It doesn’t guide everything we do – but it colors it. It’s always there – a possibility. And I know the things He likes or doesn’t, so I try to do those things and live up to them. And He could ask me to do something at anytime.
We do not have strict protocol. But our D/s is always there – lurking in the corner, ready to leap on our laps and find a comfy place to sit.
But even that can be scary, I know.
I also recently ask my Husband to take more control. I thought about it a lot before I did, because I knew exactly what I was asking for. I asked him to download the app, Obedience, so our D/s would take a more front-and-center place in our lives. We both downloaded it…we’ve used the text feature a few times…but we haven’t taken the big step of setting it up yet. Because that means a commitment to a whole new level that we both really need to be ready for.
Probably many different conditions must coincide in order to be ready for this.