Have you read Sir’s post “a good sub“? There he writes about my (supposed) inability to accept that I’m a good sub. Maybe you should go back and read that first before continuing. Or don’t, and just read my (aka real) version.
Yes, I’m joking obviously. Often things like that have more than one way of looking at and understanding it.
The conversation he describes did take place, although I remember it somewhat differently. There was more sass and eye rolling involved. On my part.
So, what happened here? He has this thing where he goes on and on about what an amazing person, sub, woman, girlfriend I am. And I might disagree with him on some of those points. I’m not saying that I’m a horrible sub, woman, girlfriend, person, but there can be improvement. And it all lies in the eyes of the beholder.
As the topic is me being a sub, let’s concentrate on that. Am I a good sub? I’d say I’m alright. That’s not me being humble or anything. I actually believe that. I’m definitely not a bad sub. I do my tasks – most of the time. I follow the rules – again, most of the time. I usually know where the line is that I shouldn’t cross – and rarely do. Just to name a few things.
I’m not perfect, far from it. But who is? And I believe that we’d be bored pretty quick if either of us was perfect. And what is “perfect” anyway?
Why do I disagree with him? In my mind I’m not disagreeing with him. I’m not saying I’m a bad sub. But I don’t see how I’m that amazing sub he’s making me out to be.
It’s two things really that come to my mind when he starts telling me how great I am. As good as I am, there’s always room for improvement. I know there are things I could do better. Sure, I’m good, but I could be better. And shouldn’t we all strive to be the best version of ourselves that we can be?
Also, I might be a bit scared that in his head he is making me out to be much better than I am or can ever be.
In conclusion I’d say that I will continue to be the sub I am. I will learn, I will grow, I will fall, I will fail. I will continue to earn more points. With one thing he is definitely right though. I am at least as stubborn as he is. And that means I will stand by opinion and point of view. And he will stand by his. Just as he said in our talk back then, we will revisit this topic. And I look forward to it.