Past Thursday, four weeks ago, Michael and I started “The Experiment”. He has written about it and I touched the topic as well.
The Experiment started after I told him that I want him to take more control over me and my every day life. He did mention that it sounds a lot like 24/7, but I decided to ignore that comment or shush him. Mostly because I like shushing him and also, the idea of 24/7 is so very, very scary to me.
Michael wrote up a document about “The Experiment” and same changes were made within the 28 days that followed, as well as things added. There’s definitely room for more and there are things that I’d like or ideas I have. And I’m sure, so does he.
Being LDR isn’t making this easy, but the situation in the world right now is a challenge on its own. Both of us, as the rest of the world, are in lockdown. There is no way to travel and making plans is simply unrealistic. I thought about those past 28 days a lot last few nights. And I came to realise that the situation as it is, is having an effect on my d/s.
I don’t have much time for myself at home. I can’t just sit on the sofa and have a call or better yet, lie on the sofa and have an orgasm for him, while we’re on the phone. What I started to do was going for walks, to have time to speak to him. But it’s not the same and I often feel bad, because he is doing his best to adapt to my schedule, no matter how much it changes. In the past few days walks were not happening, it’s been way too cold. So I take him along while I run errands, like grocery shopping, but it really is not the same. And again I feel bad, as I’m not concentrating on him fully.
There’s more. I received a wonderful collar, but I don’t have any opportunity to wear it for more than a second really. I have noticed that I’m not asking for orgasms as much as I would. And here I see that it all also has an influence on him, as I can’t remember the last time he told me to have one. (Do be fair, I was told to have one this morning – but that part was already written.)
Life has been exhausting and so different in the past few weeks. There was not much room to deepen our d/s or explore it. I know there always are those days and weeks, it saddens me in regard to “The Experiment”. I don’t feel that much, if anything, had changed from what we did before. I’m aware that it’s not the fault of either of us. It’s external circumstances. And that is what bothers me, I guess.
I’m not the most patient person in the world, to put it mildly. It’s not always easy for me to accept that there’s nothing I can do to change a situation, speed things up or make something happen. So knowing how things can be, and understanding the potential of “The Experiment”, while there’s nothing I can do to change the situation, is frustrating to me.
“The Experiment” was scheduled to stop after 30 days, which was past Friday. We didn’t have a chance to talk about how we felt about the 4 weeks yet. As I was writing this post, I was wondering whether saying that “The Experiment” failed was fair. It definitely wasn’t a success, but I don’t feel that saying it failed is true.
So I came the the conclusion that “The Experiment” is incomplete and the data is inconclusive. The result is that we need to run “The Experiment” again.
I wonder what he thinks…
It’s better that something doesn’t work out, or it doesn’t work quite the way you wanted, than not try at all.
Do what you must and come what may