Orgasm control is a no-brainer for me. It is part of d/s, for me. It has always been connected to d/s, every since the first dominant I submitted to.
There were variations. Asking for permission or being told to have a certain number of orgasms in a day or week. Many, many things didn’t work.
As I have written before several times, orgasms aren’t easy for me. So being told to see how many orgasms I can have in one hour, might result in something between 0 and 6. Or only having a certain amount of time to reach my orgasm, will most likely make me fail to have one at all. Too much pressure.
My mind needs to be in the right place. And I need to concentrate. So I assume that having an orgasm while being spanked or sucking cock will probably also not be achieved. There’s no multitasking when it comes to my orgasm.
But not having my orgasms controlled feels like something is missing. But the how is still something I’m figuring out. I like to ask permission, but there has to be a rule when he’s not able to answer. Even before the pandemic windows of opportunity weren’t big and waiting for an hour for a reply was rather frustrating. And most likely end with me not having an orgasm, even if allowed.
Michael and I tried out different things. I had a way to earn orgasms, by doing/posting/saying something that aroused him, and then I’d have orgasms in hand to use up. But that too brought problems along. When he wasn’t too connected with his sex drive, things which usually would arouse him would go unnoticed, and I wouldn’t get any extra orgasms. And I would fear that I’d run out of orgasms to use and wouldn’t ask to have any. Frustrating, again.
We did what we always do, we adjusted. Right now, I ask for orgasms and when allowed (or 10 minutes pass) I say thank you, do the cumming thing, say thank again and tell him what I thought about or read or watched and what I used. This should help him learn more about me and I’d say it serves it’s purpose. But I have caught myself looking for videos or stories that he’d enjoy or won’t have mixed feelings about. I know that’s not how it should be or was planned, but being me isn’t easy.
Every now and then there are moments when I just want to have an orgasm. An intimate moment with myself. I want an orgasm. I don’t want to explain or talk afterwards. I want to ask, get permission (obviously), have an orgasm, say thank you and be done with it. Not too think to much whether anything will have an impact on anyone else or I will need to explain myself.
I know, eventually, we’ll find a way that will work for both of us, something we are happy with. And we’ll adjust and change until we’re happy. And then change it all.
I know thos is a much longer post than it should be for SinfulSunday, but the topic and the pic just worked so well.