All is fair in love and war…

All is fair in love and war…

metal newton cradle toy on table
Photo by Skylar Kang on

I had an extremely hard day at work yesterday. It was exhausting and I was home very late. I worked way past the time I usually do and was working on stuff that isn’t really in my job description. Instead of being done at around 2 pm, I arrived home after 11 pm. As I went to bed, shortly after I arrived, my back was telling me that I it wasn’t happy.

As I was in bed, after winding down for a bit, I scrolled a bit through my emails and messages, which I had ignored all day.

Michael and I have a ritual in the evening. The same as we have for other moments and situations in life. Before I get ready for bed, I ask permission. As I’m in bed, we chat a bit. If we’re lucky, there might be a late night call. And then, either I ask to go to sleep or he tells me to.

We say our good nights and before falling asleep, I record a message for him in the morning. He has been doing the same for months now, and I love it.

Back to last night. As I said, I was in bed and as one can imagine, very tired. I waited for him to respond to my question, whether I’m allowed to sleep, but nothing happened. He had been quiet for a while. I figured he was working or writing. That’s how life is. So I sent my “good night” and my good morning message.

I try to be very careful with the good nights, as I do get points for forgetting it. And points result in punishment. So I do try to avoid them as much as I can.

I wondered what was going on and whether anything might have happen or what other reason there might be for his silence. But as I had said, I was exhausted. I fell asleep pretty quick. I kept waking up, checking the clock and being happy that it was still the middle of the night. When I finally woke up for good this morning, I checked my phone to find a message from Michael. He had falling asleep while reading.

Stuff like that happens, to all of us. I asked him whether he’ll get points now, for falling asleep with saying goodnight. Apparently the points he already has will triple. I’m not too good at maths, but as far as I know, 0 times 3 isn’t too much.

I did worry last night, but not too much. I would be worried more, but I was simply too tired to think about it too much. I’m not upset about him falling asleep. He didn’t do it on purpose, he didn’t mean to.

But, all I can think is: It’s not fair!

Why do I get points for falling asleep without saying goodnight, but he doesn’t? What is the point of this rule for me?
To be honest, I don’t need this rule. For me there is no question that I will say goodnight, before going to bed or falling asleep. It’s not a question of whether I have to do it. He is my partner, so obviously I want to wish him a good night and also a good morning when I wake up. Don’t get me wrong. This rule was a no-brainer and I gladly accepted it.

Now, of course, Michael is not just my boyfriend, he’s my dom. I submitted to him, he owns me, and I’m happy about it. It would only be logical to say that there are different rule for the both of us. After all, he’s the dom. But that is not a good enough reason for me. It’s similar to saying, something is the way it is, because someone said so or it has always been that way.
Yes, sometimes different rules apply to us. He doesn’t ask me to have an orgasm, yet I do. That is our dynamic and while I might sometimes struggle with this rule or another of that kind, I like it – in some cases I’m the one, who asked for it.

And maybe, if he only way my dom and we had a 24/7 d/s relationship, I might find a way to accept that things are different, because he’s the dominant one. (I really, really doubt that.) But, he’s my boyfriend, my partner. There are rules, which apply to both of us. As saying saying good night and good morning.
I’m not sure what it is that I now want to happen. Clearly, there won’t be spankings for him. (Although, that would be interesting.) But I still feel that it’s not fair. I don’t know what result would be one that I’d be happy with. Whatever changes or doesn’t, it won’t change the way I feel about him or us or our dynamic.

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