Being stubborn can be a bad thing. It just depends on how you use it.Willie Aames
I am a little stubborn. Really just a tiny little bit. I mean, it depends on who you compare me to. I’m sure there are others out there who are more stubborn than I am.
It’s not a problem usually. And I can deal with it. I’m also able to admit when someone else’s idea or way of doing things is better than mine. (Not that it ever happens.) But sometimes being stubborn makes life harder than it should be. Often enough I’m the one suffering because of my own stubborness. It really is absurd sometimes.
Here’s a recently example:
I started yoga this year. I did one month as a trial and actually liked it. I continued in the months to follow. There were days when I couldn’t do any yoga, but I found myself doing yoga regularly. It became part of my schedule. A few weeks ago I asked Sir to pause yoga. Days were busy and I had a lot of work and other appointments. Additionaly it was very hot. The idea of moving more than needed was absurd.
Yesterday I walked and had a call with Sir. He asked me my plans for the evening. I asnwered and he suggested yoga. I said “maybe” and he rephrased. It wasn’t a suggestion, rather a task.
I responded with an “ok”, which I knew was not the right response. He instisted on a better one and recommended I’d say “Yes Sir please”. Being me, I said “Yes Sir”. This went on till I finally said “Yes Sir please”. I really hope my voice carried mispleasure. After I was back home, I did do the yoga. After all I am a good girl. I tweeted about the yoga and how I wanted a “good girl” or a “well done”. Then I went about my day and realised that I actually enjoyed yoga again.
As the days are pretty warm and I keep waking up before my alarm, I had a great idea. I’d get up a bit early, before everyone else and do yoga in the morning. That must’ve been the endorphins talking. I even set an alarm for 6 am.
The evening proceeded and I sent him a picture of something I was making. I got a response “well done my good girl”. A bit later he he asked me how yoga was. By that time I was a bit upset and I was getting stubborn.
What I didn’t know, his “well done my good girl” referred to the yoga. So there I was, waiting to get my praise after he made me do yoga. What followed was a lot of internal struggle for me. To speak up, to explain how I was feeling and why, to not push him away (too much) and not withdraw my submission. I believe I did pretty good, or maybe not too bad.
But my stubborness had already kicked in. The upshot was that I woke up even before 6 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. But of course, I didn’t do any yoga. Instead I laid in bed, played with my phone, started this post. To be fair, I might’ve also not done yoga in the morning, because I’d be too lazy. But today it was because I’m stubborn. Because he made me do yoga and then things went not the way I wanted.
And now? Well, there’s no yoga on the schedule, I wasn’t told to do any, and despite the fact I’d like to do it, it probably won’t happen. (But then again, who knows what’ll happen after I publish this post.)
Told you. Absurd…