As I mentioned it the post before, during our trial week for Meal Control there was an incident with a marshmallow.
I’m not big on sweets. I prefer crisps, for example. But there are a few sweet things I like. Icecream and also marshmallows.
So, one evening I was cooking and found an open bag of marshmallows on the kitchen counter. I wanted to have one and asked permission, but the permission was not grated. Not only did he say no, before that he asked, why I wanted one. The answer was easy. They were there and I wanted one. He said no, I didn’t have a marshmallow. Also, I got really upset. He told me that I could have one on the next day, but that wasn’t now and I didn’t know whether there’d be any left and also whether I’d want one then.
What upset me wasn’t the fact that he said no. It was his question “why”. I felt that I was in a position where I needed to explain myself and explain why I wanted something. It’s easier when I don’t want something. Explaining that is not so hard. I don’t feel like it or I don’t like it or whatever reason is right at the moment and situation.
I will be honest, I did think about having one later. Not during the trail week, but right after. A little bit as an act of defiance. But I didn’t.
About a week later we were on the phone and talked about the marshmallow. His reason to say no was that it’s empty calories and there’s nothing healthy about it. With something like icecream one could still argue that there’s milk in it. I fail to see the difference really. Both aren’t healthy, both have way too much sugar, both are empty calories.
I believe it was that evening when I asked whether I will ever have marshmallows again. Because it sounded to me like that’ll never happen. Apparantly there might be marshmallows in my future, but who knows.
Sunday evening he told me to have a marmallow. By then they were gone and I was still upset and stubborn. So I told him. Even if I had any, I wouldn’t have one. Why? Because every now and then, I am worse than a little child.
I wanted to have one then and now you can’t make me.
Silly? For sure!
I also asked him not to tease me with anything related to marshmallows or even mention them. Because it puts me back in my stubborn, silly, upset mindset. And I don’t like it.
Now I feel I will never again have one. But not because of him, but because of myself. Again absurd.
But in the end, it’s not about the marshmallows. It’s about me having to explain myself. I don’t want to do that. I’m ok with a “yes” or “no” answer. But the question “why” is nothing I want to answer. I’m quite impressed by myself that I actually gave him an explanation and didn’t just say something like “oh, forget it, I don’t want one that badly”. It was on my mind.
Where do we go from here?
I guess, we’ll see.